Vince Writing Tips

Videos

2011-11-08T12:19:00.000+09:00

Here are the first 20 minutes of Vince’s Introduction to Technical Writing

Todai 2010_11_17

PLEASE NOTE: Vince could only upload the first 25 mins of the lecture video, but you can listen to the entire 90 minute audio here

Here is a slidecast (PowerPoint plus voiceover) of Vince's lecture

Slides

2011-11-07T21:34:00.000+09:00

Here are Vince's slides.

Introduction to Technical Writing

View more presentations from VincePrep

Vince's NOTE: to view these slides in full-screen or download (requires login), please open this page
http://www.slideshare.net/tokyovince/introduction-to-technical-writing-4305074
You can also view Vince's other presentations here
http://bit.ly/VincePresents

Audio for November 2010 lecture is here

How to Make and Use an Essay Outline

2011-11-06T11:35:00.000+09:00

An essay outline is probably the most important friend you will have while writing your essay. It is the scaffolding of your paper and the skeleton of your ideas. It is the framework by which you will write a killer essay. And frankly, it is difficult to write one without an outline.

How to Write an Outline

What is it?

An outline is a general plan of the material that is to be presented in a speech or a paper. The outline shows the order of the various topics, the relative importance of each, and the relationship between the various parts.

Order in an Outline

There are many ways to arrange the different parts of a subject. Sometimes, a chronological arrangement works well. At other times, a spatial arrangement is best suited to the material. The most common order in outlines is to go from the general to the specific. This means you begin with a general idea and then support it with specific examples.

Thesis Statement of Summarizing Sentence

All outlines should begin with a thesis statement of summarizing sentence. This thesis sentence presents the central idea of the paper. It must always be a complete, grammatical sentence, specific and brief, which expresses the point of view you are taking towards the subject.

Types of Outlines

The two main types of outlines are the topic outline and the sentence outline. In the topic outline, the headings are given in single words or brief phrases. In the sentence outline, all the headings are expressed in complete sentences.

Rules for Outlining

1. Subdivide topics by a system of numbers and letters, followed by a period.
Example:
I.
    A.
    B.
        1.
        2.
            a.
            b.
II.
    A.
    B.
2. Each heading and subheading must have at least two parts.
3. Headings for parts of the paper of speech such as, Introduction and Conclusion, should not be used.
4. Be consistent. Do not mix up the two types of outlines. Use either whole sentences of brief phrases, but not both.

Examples

Topic Outline

Choices in College and After

Thesis: The decisions I have to make in choosing college courses, depend on larger questions I am beginning to ask myself about my life’s work.

I. Two decisions described

A. Art history or chemistry
1. Professional considerations
2. Personal considerations

B. A third year of French?
1. Practical advantages of knowing a foreign language
2. Intellectual advantages
3. The issue of necessity

II. Definition of the problem

A. Decisions about occupation
B. Decisions about a kind of life to lead

III. Temporary resolution of the problem

A. To hold open a professional possibility: chemistry
B. To take advantage of cultural gains already made: French

Sentence Outline

Choices in College and After

Thesis: The decisions I have to make in choosing college courses, depend on larger questions I am beginning to ask myself about my life’s work.

I. I have two decisions to make with respect to choosing college courses in the immediate future.

A. One is whether to elect a course in art history or in chemistry.
1. One time in my life, I planned to be a chemical engineer professionally.
2. On the other hand, I enjoy art and plan to travel and see more of it.

B. The second decision is whether to continue a third year of French beyond the basic college requirement.
1. French might be useful both in engineering and travel.
2. Furthermore, I am eager to read good books which are written in French.

3. How necessary are these considerations in the light of other courses I might take instead?

II. My problem can be put in the form of a dilemma involving larger questions about my whole future.

A. On the one hand I want to hold a highly-trained position in a lucrative profession.
B. On the other hand I want to lead a certain kind of life, with capacities for values not connected with the making of money.

III. I will have to make a decision balancing the conflicting needs I have described.

A. I will hold open the professional possibilities by electing chemistry.
B. I will improve and solidify what cultural proficiency in another language I have already gained, by electing French.

How to Write an Outline

An outline breaks down the parts of your thesis in a clear, hierarchical manner. Most students find that writing an outline before beginning the paper is most helpful in organizing one's thoughts. If your outline is good, your paper should be easy to write.

The basic format for an outline uses an alternating series of numbers and letters, indented accordingly, to indicate levels of importance.

Here is an example of an outline on a paper about the development of Japanese theater:

OUTLINE	NOTES
I. Thesis: Japanese theater rose from a popular to elite and then returned to a popular art form.	The thesis is stated in the first section, which is the introduction.
II. Early theatrical forms A. Bugaku B. Sarugaku C. Primitive Noh D. Authors and Audience III. Noh theater A. Authors B. Props 1. Masks a. women b. demons c. old men 2. Structure of Stage C. Themes 1. Buddhist influence 2. The supernatural D. Kyogen interludes E. Audience IV. Kabuki A. Authors B. Props 1. make-up 2. special effects C. Themes 1. Love stories 2. Revenge D. Audience V. Bunraku (puppet) theater A. Authors B. Props C. Themes 1. Love stories 2. Historical romances D. Audience	The body follows the introduction, and breaks down the points the author wishes to make. Note that some section have subdivisions, others do not, depending on the demands of the paper. In this outline, II, III, & IV all have similar structure, but this will not necessarily be true for all papers. Some may only have three major sections, others more than the five given here.
VI. Conclusion	Your conclusion should restate your thesis, and never introduce new material.

When you begin writing an essay outline, use the following model as a guide:

I. INTRODUCTION:

Thesis:_____________________________________________________.

II. BODY PARAGRAPH 1:

Opening Sentence:___________________________________________.

Detail 1:____________________________________________________.

Detail 2:____________________________________________________.

Detail 3:____________________________________________________.

III. BODY PARAGRAPH II:

Transition/Opening Sentence:_________________________________.

Detail 1:____________________________________________________.

Detail 2:____________________________________________________.

Detail 3:____________________________________________________.

IV. BODY PARAGRAPH III:

Transition/Opening Sentence:_________________________________.

Detail 1:____________________________________________________.

Detail 2:____________________________________________________.

Detail 3:____________________________________________________.

V. BODY PARAGRAPH IV:

Transition/Opening Sentence:_________________________________.

Detail 1:____________________________________________________.

Detail 2:____________________________________________________.

Detail 3:____________________________________________________.

VI. CONCLUSION:

Reconfirmed Thesis:_________________________________________.

If you use this rough guide and fill in the blanks as you are researching your essay, you will find writing the essay so simple. You have all you need in front of you. It is researched and organized. All you have to do now is fill in the blanks with transition words and smooth language.

SOURCES

http://www.bookrags.com/articles/2.html

http://www.essaywritinghelp.com/outline.htm

http://www.suite101.com/content/how-to-write-an-essay-outline-a98961

http://www.albany.edu/eas/170/outline.htm

http://www.lavc.edu/library/outline.htm

Need more hints? Check out Vince's best writing links here ▸ http://www.delicious.com/admissions/writing

Use Power Verbs

2011-11-05T11:33:00.000+09:00

Avoid

get / got
is / was / were (try to only use any form of "to be" 5 times in entire essay)

Use powerful verbs that convey action.

MIT: Action Verbs
http://web.mit.edu/career/www/guide/actionverbs.html

Management Skills

Administered
Analyzed
Assigned
Chaired
Consolidated
Contracted
Coordinated
Delegated
Developed
Directed
Evaluated
Executed
Organized
Oversaw
Planned
Prioritized
Produced
Recommended
Reorganized
Reviewed
Scheduled
Supervised

Communication Skills

Addressed
Arbitrated
Arranged
Authored
Co-authored
Collaborated
Corresponded
Developed
Directed
Drafted
Enlisted
Formulated
Influenced
Interpreted
Lectured
Mediated
Moderated
Negotiated
Persuaded
Promoted
Proposed
Publicized
Reconciled
Recruited
Spoke
Translated
Wrote

Research Skills

Clarified
Collected
Critiqued
Diagnosed
Evaluated
Examined
Extracted
Identified
Inspected
Interpreted
Interviewed
Investigated
Organized
Reviewed
Summarized
Surveyed
Systematized

Technical Skills

Assembled
Built
Calculated
Computed
Designed
Devised
Engineered
Fabricated
Maintained
Operated
Pinpointed
Programmed
Remodeled
Repaired
Solved
Operated
Pinpointed
Programmed
Remodeled
Repaired
Solved

Teaching Skills

Adapted
Advised
Clarified
Coached
Communicated
Conducted
Coordinated
Developed
Enabled
Encouraged
Evaluated
Explained
Facilitated
Guided
Informed
Instructed
Lectured
Persuaded
Set goals
Stimulated
Taught
Trained

Financial Skills

Administered
Allocated
Analyzed
Appraised
Audited
Balanced
Budgeted
Calculated
Computed
Developed
Managed
Planned
Projected
Researched

Creative Skills

Acted
Conceptualized
Created
Customized
Designed
Developed
Directed
Established
Fashioned
Illustrated
Instituted
Integrated
Performed
Planned
Proved
Revised
Revitalized
Set up
Shaped
Streamlined
Structured

Helping Skills

Assessed
Assisted
Clarified
Coached
Counseled
Demonstrated
Diagnosed
Educated
Facilitated
Familiarized
Guided
Inspired
Motivated
Participated
Provided
Referred
Rehabilitated
Represented
Reinforced
Supported
Taught
Trained
Verified

Clerical or Detail Skills

Approved
Arranged
Catalogued
Classified
Collected
Compiled
Dispatched
Executed
Filed
Generated
Implemented
Inspected
Monitored
Operated
Ordered
Organized
Prepared
Processed
Purchased
Recorded
Retrieved
Screened
Specified
Systematized
Tabulated
Validated

Stronger Verbs for Accomplishments

Accelerated
Achieved
Attained
Completed
Conceived
Convinced
Discovered
Doubled
Effected
Eliminated
Expanded
Expedited
Founded
Improved
Increased
Initiated
Innovated
Introduced
Invented
Launched
Mastered
Originated
Overcame
Overhauled
Pioneered
Reduced
Resolved
Revitalized
Spearheaded
Strengthened
Transformed
Upgraded

From "To Boldly Go: Practical Career Advice for Scientists", by Peter S. Fiske

CV Store: Power Verbs
http://www.thecvstore.net/Power-Verbs.htm

The use of action words / power verbs, are essential in the promotion of your skills and experience. Using these words at the start of each bullet point under the details of your employment will assist the reader in noticing your key achievements.

The words you use will obviously depend upon your experience / industry so try not to just stuff your CV full of power words in the hope that this will look good. For example, a candidate applying for a managerial position will want to make use of words such as "oversaw, developed, improved and reduced", whereas someone looking for a more creative role will want to use words such as "designed, compiled and created".

Power verbs to accentuate organisational skills:

Arranged
Categorized
Collected
Compiled
Corrected
Distributed
Filed
Incorporated
Logged
Maintained
Monitored
Observed

Ordered
Organized
Prepared
Recorded
Registered
Reserved
Responded
Reviewed
Scheduled
Screened
Supplied
Updated

Power verbs used to highlight achievements:

Achieved
Built
Created
Developed
Established
Expanded
Founded
Identified
Implemented

Increased
Initiated
Instigated
Launched
Lead
Managed
Reduced
Solved
Streamlined

Other power verbs:

Administered
Advised
Analyzed
Approved
Completed
Conducted
Controlled
Coordinated
Defined
Delivered
Demonstrated

Designed
Instructed
Introduced
Maintained
Negotiated
Oversaw
Performed
Planned
Presented
Supervised
Supported

More tips here:

http://delicious.com/admissions/PowerVerbs

Need more hints? Check out Vince's best writing links here ▸ http://www.delicious.com/admissions/writing

Technical Writing FAQ

2011-10-30T12:33:00.000+09:00

Here are some frequently asked questions (with Vince's answers).

Reading

Q: What should I read in order to become a good technical writer? How about newspapers written in English?

A: Yes, I suggest newspapers or anything you enjoy reading. I also suggest you find and read online journals in your field. Here are some good links http://bit.ly/SEjrnls to get your started (Please note: http://bit.ly/SEjrnls opens a "feed" of links in "Twitter". You can "follow" one or more of these journals if you are a Twitter user. Otherwise, just go to the journal's website and subscribe via RSS or however you like to read online content.)

Q: Do you have any tips for taking what I have read into my writings efficiently?

A: Keep a journal handy at all times. Then, use the phrases you have collected in your daily writing. I use the following tools to collect useful bits of language:

Free dictation software (Dragon) on iPhone (the voice recognition software often makes mistakes, but you can edit them before emailing to yourself)
Voicemail on Skype (When away from a notebook, I call myself to leave a quick message. Later, I listen to it to remind myself of the idea or phrase.)
IC recorder (Olympus Voice Trek V-72)
Notepad (digital or paper-based)
Note cards

Feedback

Q: When I use incorrect English, how can I get correction from others?

Q: How can I review what I have written?

A: Vince's admissions consulting clients use a variety of tools, including:

Lang-8 Language exchange SNS http://lang-8.com (free with some conditions; please see website for details)
Microsoft Word grammar check (free after initial software purchase)
Grammarly http://www.grammarly.com (free initial check; monthly subscription to receive computer-generated explanations and suggestions)
i-osmosis http://www.i-osmosis.jp/itest/toefl.html (please see website for details; useful for more than just TOEFL writing since lessons learned can be applied to any writing task)

EMAIL

Subject Line

Q: I noticed that the subject line of e-mails from Japanese always begin with the word "about," for example, an e-mail from a colleagues in my lab, "about meeting and cleaning." I think it's because Japanese used to write "について" when writing an e-mail in Japanese. However, the Kaplan tells us the best rule of thumb of writing a subject line is to be specific. My question is: is the word "about" in the example redundant, making the subject line not specific? Would it become better if he wrote "meeting and cleaning?"

A: I am not qualified to advise you on writing Japanese emails. As for English, I like the following answer:

A: Use a detailed subject line. Business executives often complain that email with subject lines that are vague or empty land in their junk mail folder. Avoid getting ignored by including a straightforward but thorough subject.

(found at http://www.ehow.com/print/how_2075198_write-business-email.html; accessed 11/2010)

A: You can make it even easier for your recipient to immediately understand why you’ve sent them an email and to quickly determine what kind of response or action it requires. Compose a great “Subject:” line that hits the high points or summarizes the thrust of the message. Avoid “Hi,” “One more thing…,” or “FYI,” in favor of typing a short summary of the most important points in the message:

Lunch resched to Friday @ 1pm

Reminder: Monday is "St. Bono’s Day"–no classes

REQ: Resend Larry Tate zip ﬁle?

HELP: Can you set up my printer?

In fact, if you’re relating just a single fact or asking one question in your email, consider using just the subject line to relate your message. As I’ve mentioned before, in some organizations, such emails are identiﬁed by adding (EOM)—for end of message—at the end of the Subject line. This lets recipients see that the whole message is right there in the subject without clicking to the view the (non-existent) body. This is highly appreciated by people who receive a large volume of mail, since it lets them do a quick triage on your message without needing to conduct a full examination.

Sadly, good email subjects have become something of a lost art, especially among more recent additions to the Interweb. It’s a pity, because you’re far more likely to get a favorable response from a busy person when they can quickly understand your message.

(found at http://www.43folders.com/2005/09/19/writing-sensible-email-messages; accessed 11/2010)

The Start

Q: While addressing the recipient, is it better to use Sir/Madam instead of Mr./Ms./Dr. followed by the name of the recipient?

Q: How should I write the title (Mr., Ms.) of recipients if I do not know his or her sex? Many non-English names are difficult to distinguish their gender just by their names.

Q: How can I write to a foreign company without knowing who is in charge of a certain section? In the Kaplan chapter 3, there is a part saying we should follow their customs of reading while writing for international audiences. But in general, which style should we follow when we are not sure whether the person we are writing to is a foreigner?

Dear Sir or Madam: (use if you don't know who you are writing to)
Dear Personnel Director: (use if you only know someone's title but not his or her name)
Dear Dr, Mr, Mrs, Miss or Ms Smith: (use if you know who you are writing to, and have a formal relationship with - VERY IMPORTANT use Ms for women unless asked to use Mrs or Miss)
Dear Frank: (use if the person is a close business contact or friend)

(found at http://esl.about.com/cs/onthejobenglish/a/a_basbletter.htm; accessed 11/2010)

A: Say hello. Business email has become so informal that some people do not even begin with a salutation. Avoid this habit. Properly address the person you are writing and use a colon, rather than a comma. For example, "Dear Mr. Smith:" is a correct business opening. You can switch to a comma once back-and-forth correspondence is established.

(found at http://www.ehow.com/print/how_2075198_write-business-email.html; accessed 11/2010)

The Reference

Q: How should I do my self introduction in emails or letters?

With reference to your advertisement in the Times...
With reference to your letter of 23rd March...
With reference to your phone call today...
Thank you for your letter of March 5th.

(found at http://esl.about.com/cs/onthejobenglish/a/a_basbletter.htm; accessed 11/2010)

Q: What form is the proper way to self introduce myself to you in this email for making questions concerning the contents of the class last week?

A: I am listing various ways students contacted me in order of preference (best first; try to avoid the last two)

Dear Professor Ricci
Dear Mr. Ricci
Dear Mr. Vince Ricci
Dear Ricci sensei
Dear Mr. Vince
Dear Sir

The Reason for Writing

Q: How should I state the purpose of my contact?

I am writing to inquire about
I am writing to apologize for
I am writing to confirm

(found at http://esl.about.com/cs/onthejobenglish/a/a_basbletter.htm; accessed 11/2010)

Understand why you’re writing
Before you type anything into a new message, have explicit answers for two questions:

Why am I writing this?
What exactly do I want the result of this message to be?

Think through your email from the recipient’s point of view, and make sure you’ve done everything you can to try and help yourself before contacting someone else. If it’s a valuable message, treat it that way, and put in the time to making your words count.(found at http://www.43folders.com/2005/09/19/writing-sensible-email-messages; accessed 11/2010)

Requesting

Q: How do I ask for what I need in a polite way?

Could you possibly...?
I would be grateful if you could...

(found at http://esl.about.com/cs/onthejobenglish/a/a_basbletter.htm; accessed 11/2010)

Get what you need

Although the possible topics and content of messages are theoretically endless, I’d propose that there are really just three basic types of business email.

Providing information - “Larry Tate will be in the ofﬁce Monday at 10.”
Requesting information - “Where did you put the ‘Larry Tate’ ﬁle?”
Requesting action - “Will you call Larry Tate’s admin to conﬁrm our meeting on Monday?”

Since the Larry Tate meeting on Monday has been moved from the Whale Room, could you please make sure the Fishbowl has been reserved and that the caterer has been notiﬁed of the location change? Please IM me today by 5pm Paciﬁc Time to verify.

Assume that no one will ever read more than the ﬁrst sentence of anything you write. Making that ﬁrst sentence strong and clear is easily the best way to interest your recipient in the second sentence and beyond.(found at http://www.43folders.com/2005/09/19/writing-sensible-email-messages; accessed 11/2010)

What’s the action here?
If your message includes any kind of request—whether for a meeting, a progress update, or what have you—put that request near the top of the message and clearly state when you will need it. Do not, under any circumstances, assume that your overwhelmed recipient will take the time to sift through your purple prose for clues about what they’re supposed to be doing for you.

Depending on the style of your team and the volume of mail they create, you might even consider adding functional text headers to the top of the body outlining the exact nature of the message.

This email is:
[ ] actionable
[ ] fyi
[ ] social

Response needed:
[ ] yes
[ ] up to you
[ ] no

Time-sensitive:
[ ] immediate
[ ] soon
[ ] none

Remove the guesswork from your messages by thinking of them like friendly work orders; you must not be afraid to ask for what you want, especially if you have any desire to actually have the recipient give it to you.(found at http://www.43folders.com/2005/09/19/writing-sensible-email-messages; accessed 11/2010)

Giving Bad News

Q: How should I manage expectations of readers to understand that something bad has happened?

Unfortunately...
I am afraid that...

(found at http://esl.about.com/cs/onthejobenglish/a/a_basbletter.htm; accessed 11/2010)

Enclosing Documents

Q: How do I reference attachments?

A: Most people prefer that documents be sent as attachments, rather than copied and pasted into the body of the email.

(found at http://www.ehow.com/print/how_2075198_write-business-email.html; accessed 11/2010)

I am attaching...
Please find attached...
Attached you will find...

(found at http://esl.about.com/cs/onthejobenglish/a/a_basbletter.htm; accessed 11/2010)

Closing Remarks

Q: How do I close my letter in a direct but polite way?

Thank you for your help. Please contact us again if we can help in any way.
Thank you for your help. Please contact us again if there are any problems.
Thank you for your help. Please contact us again if you have any questions.

(found at http://esl.about.com/cs/onthejobenglish/a/a_basbletter.htm; accessed 2010/11)

Markup

2011-10-05T13:09:00.000+09:00

Q: What do these colors mean?
A: I often use the following highlight colors to indicate certain writing issues

ORANGE = wdy = wordy, verbose: Too many words express a desired thought or concept; try to shorten or condense the phrasing or simply omit unnecessary words; also repetitive and/or run-on sentences
YELLOW = grammar, usage, spelling, articles, agreement
GREEN = vague, illogical, imprecise or misleading; add prepositional phrases and details to fix the context and define the issues; show, don't tell
BLUE = not believable, not credible (esp. in recommendation letters) and trans = transition problem: A transition between paragraphs, arguments, or sections of the writing is nonexistent, abrupt, weak, lame or misleading. Think about the logical relationship between the parts that need connecting and try to write a smooth and helpful transition. Good transitions are based upon ideas and their logical relationship, not just clever or stock phrases.
PINK = awk = awkward phrasing, although not grammatically incorrect. Most common: words with slightly inapposite meaning, too many words to express a particular concept, or awkward (but not technically incorrect) grammatical constructiond

Q: What are some common symbols you insert when reviewing essays?
A: I often use these:

agr = agreement, either subject/verb or pronoun/antecedent
awk = awkward phrasing, although not grammatically incorrect. Most common: words with slightly inapposite meaning, too many words to express a particular concept, or awkward (but not technically incorrect) grammatical construction.
cs = comma splice
dm = dangling modifier
frag = [sentence] fragment, incomplete sentence: There is part of a sentence, but not enough to make a complete one.
cap = capitalize, use uppercase letters
lc = use lowercase letter
no = number: A number is used incorrectly in text. A common error is beginning a sentence with a number in numerical form. Although sentences may begin with numbers in spelled-out form, numbers in numerical form are not used to begin sentences. The second most common error is failing to spell out numbers less than ten.
pv = passive voice: Passive constructions ("the case was decided" or "it was determined that . . .") are grammatically correct but weak and often confusing. They are useful only when the subject of the verb is unknown or indefinite or the writer wishes to conceal the subject. Otherwise, passive voice—particularly if used repeatedly—is a sign of wooden and heavy writing, not a good style for advocacy! Better: "the court decided the case" or "the judge determined that . . ."
sp = spelling error or "spell out": This signal indicates a spelling mistake, a typographical error, the improper use of an abbreviation instead of the complete word or words, or the failure to spell out numbers less than ten.
spchk = use spellcheck
trans = transition problem: A transition between paragraphs, arguments, or sections of the writing is nonexistent, abrupt, weak, lame or misleading. Think about the logical relationship between the parts that need connecting and try to write a smooth and helpful transition. Good transitions are based upon ideas and their logical relationship, not just clever or stock phrases.
v = verb form or forms are incorrect. The most common error of this type is disagreement between the number of the subject of the sentence and the number of the verb ("she see" or "they talks"). Another common problem occurs in series of nouns with "and" or "or;" in "or" series the number of the verb should agree with the noun that is closest to the verb in the sentence. Correct: "A lapse, an error, or omissions in text make it difficult to read." (In this sentence, the plural verb form "make" is correct because the plural noun "omissions" is closest to the verb.)
va = vague: A paragraph, sentence, clause, phrase, or word is vague, nonspecific, imprecise, or misleading. The most common error is failure to include short prepositional phrases that tie things down. Vague (depending on context): "The court refused to decide the issue." Precise: "The court refused to decide the issue of proximate cause."
wdy = wordy, verbose: Too many words express a desired thought or concept; try to shorten or condense the phrasing or simply omit unnecessary words.
ww = wrong word
tr = transpose letters or words
# = add space

Other General Abbreviations (examples from legal writing, but can apply to other forms of technical writing) http://gozips.uakron.edu/~dratler/markup.htm#gabb viewed by Vince Ricci 7/7/10 12:00 PM
A/D	Analogy or distinction. A portion of the writing begs for analogizing or distinguishing other cases, whether precedents or hypotheticals. Try to compare the facts at issue explicitly with the facts of other cases and show, step by step, why the rationales of those cases, as applied to the factual similarities or differences, would require the same or a different result.
AUD	Audience. The approach is inappropriate for your audience. Who your audience is should affect a number of characteristics of your writing, including the level of detail (see DET), the level of abstraction, as distinguished from a practical approach (see PRAC), and the tone of your writing (see TONE).
CL	"Clearly," "clear," or "obvious." These words, as well as words to the same effect, are a dead giveaway for writer's insecurity. If something is really clear, you can show it with specific reasoning or argument. If it is not, no amount of bare insistence will make it so. Good lawyers look for words like this in their opponents' papers because these words indicate where arguments are weak, incomplete, or undeveloped.
COLL	Colloquialism. Contractions (such as "they'll," "don't," "won't," "isn't") and colloquial expressions ("plaintiff was screwed", "the nitty gritty", etc.) are not used in formal writing and are usually not used in writing to clients. More formal or conventional phrasing should be substituted. Colloquialisms can be used in writing to a client whom you know personally and well. (See AUD)
COMP	Complex sentence structure. A sentence or clause is too long, complicated in form, or convoluted in meaning. You should break it up into shorter, clearer parts. If necessary, the order and priority of thoughts should be reconsidered.
COMPAR	Comparative. A comparative form of an adjective is grammatically incorrect (e.g., "more better," "lastest"), the comparative form used does not exist ("legitimatest"), or the sentence does not make clear what is being compared with what.
CONC?	Conclusion? A conclusion to a paragraph, section, or line of reasoning is missing, unclear, or incomplete. (See also MS)
CONJ	Conjunction. A conjunction appears to be missing or inappropriate. Common errors are substituting "but" for "and" or "since" for "although." This is often a problem of logic and meaning, not just grammar.
CONS?	Consequences? The consequences of an argument, holding, result, conclusion or action should be explored. The consequences may be practical, social, business, or economic.
DET	Detail is excessive. This comment occurs most often when a description of the facts of a case is excessively detailed and lengthy, or when irrelevant details obscure legally relevant facts. Summarize, condense, and select legally relevant facts for discussion. Focus, focus, focus!
DP	Dangling participle: a participial form of a verb has no matching subject, or what appears to be the subject does not match or make sense. Incorrect: "Turning to the second element of the tort, causation was inadequately proved." It is not "causation" that turns, but "we" or the writer; therefore the participle "turning" has no real subject in the sentence and is dangling. Dangling participles can be corrected by adding a subject or rewriting the sentence. Correct: "Turning to the second element of the tort, we see [or "I note," or "the court ruled"] that causation was inadequately proved." OR "With regard to the second element of the tort, causation was lacking."
E	Ellipsis has (or appears to have) incorrect form. An ellipsis should: (1) have spaces between the three or four periods; (2) use four periods (with intervening spaces) when the material omitted includes the end of a sentence; and (3) put the first of four periods immediately adjacent to the preceding text (without a space) when—and only when—a sentence in the quoted material ended there.
ECON	Economics. Does the statement noted make economic sense? Does it cohere with currently accepted economic theory or not? What economic consequences does it implicate (see also CONS, PRAC)?
FACTS	The facts needed to understand or appreciate a case, judicial decision, argument or hypothetical are missing, incomplete, inaccurate, or misleadingly stated. The most common errors are failing to state any facts at all, failing to select the most important and relevant facts, and failing to indicate, by context or verbal signals, how the key facts relate to a result, holding, or rationale. (This problem occurs most often in argumentative writing.)
GARB	Garbled sentence, phrase, or clause. Something is missing, misplaced, or distorted, but what and how is not clear. Rethink and/or rewrite.
GRAM	Grammatical error (nonspecific). Common errors include: (1) disagreement in number between noun and pronoun (using "they" for singular nouns), and (2) confusing "like" and "as" ("like" is a preposition, "as" is an adverb).
IC	Inconsistent. This signal may refer to ideas, words, or grammatical form. A common error is inconsistency in style, for example, using singular and plural words indiscriminately for the same thing. A more important error is using inconsistent words for the same thing, such as "employee" and "plaintiff" alternately for the same party. Unlike creative writing (in which you may have been taught to use the Thesaurus and vary your use of words), legal writing requires consistency. The goal is not variety and versatility, but straightforward and unmistakable communication. This objective requires picking the best term for a single concept and sticking with it throughout a document.
INN	Innuendo. Business writing should, insofar as possible, avoid innuendo or implication. Instead, it should state all assumptions, facts, steps in reasoning, and conclusions explicitly. It should leave little or nothing to chance or to the reader's intelligence or imagination. Try to state directly and explicitly what you are implying.
IS	Incomplete sentence. Sentence does not have both subject and verb or appears broken in the middle.
LO	Logical order. The sentences, phrases, clauses or thoughts appear to be out of logical order. Inserted numbers or letters (if present) designate parts or concepts that need re-ordering.
LR	Logical relationship. The logical relationship between/among concepts, ideas, sentences, or clauses is unclear, because it is not stated, not stated explicitly enough, or not stated correctly. This is a more general signal than LO (logical order) or NS (non-sequitur), and it may indicate more subtle problems.
MAN	More analysis needed. The portion of text marked raises a question, begins an assessment or analysis, or suggests a line of reasoning or argument that begs for further development and analysis. The same text also may invite or require further study and research.
MS	Missing step or steps. One or more steps in the logical reasoning or progression of the argument appear to have been omitted.
MW	Missing word or words. A word or words appear to have been omitted, leaving the sentence, clause or phrase incomplete, ungrammatical, or nonsensical. This signal is usually inserted at the place where words appear to be missing.
NARROW	A statement seems too narrow or timid. Review the relevant facts or source of legal authority and consider broadening the statement by eliminating or changing conditions, qualifications, or limitations. (Compare BROAD, QUAL)
NEC?	Necessary? Asks whether particular words, phrases, clauses, or sentences are necessary to the writing or the argument, or are surplus or redundant. Consider deleting or condensing the material marked.
NS	Non-sequitur (Latin: "it does not follow"). The marked sentence, clause or phrase does not logically follow from what comes before. This may indicate a missing step in reasoning (see MS) or a more serious problem of substance.
OOP	Out of place—a general organizational error. A paragraph, sentence, clause, or phrase appears out of place in terms of logic, chronology, or the flow of explanation or argument. (See also LO, LR, POP, and TS)
PLW	Placement of words. The placement of words in a sentence is confusing or misleading. The most common error is misplacing prepositional phrases, thereby creating ambiguities or unintended meanings. This signal is similar to OOP (out of place) but refers to placement in a single sentence.
POP	The point of a paragraph is unclear. Generally speaking, every paragraph should have (and develop!) a single idea or theme, expressed in a short sentence or phrase. Common problems are: unclear topic sentences or multiple themes (see TS), rambling, vagueness, and failure to come to a conclusion. Unlike TS (topic sentence), this signal requires reassessing both the internal structure of the paragraph and its place in the larger organizational scheme of the document.
POS	Possessive. A possessive form was omitted or incorrectly used. The most common error is in ordering the apostrophe and the "s." For example, "plaintiff's complaint" refers to a single plaintiff and "plaintiffs' complaint" to more than one. The second most common error is forgetting that "it's" and "who's" are contractions (of "it is" and "who is," respectively). They are not possessives and are not used in legal writing (see COLL). The correct possessives are "its" and "whose," respectively, without apostrophes.
QUOT	Quotation error. Most common errors: (1) omitting a quotation mark at the beginning or end of the quotation; (2) using duplicate double quotation marks ("), rather than single quotation marks (') for embedded quotations; and (3) failing to modify quoted language to fit into the grammatical structure of your writing and to indicate your modifications with square brackets ([]).
QE	Quoting excessively. Too many quotes appear in succession, or quotations are too long. Try to express all concepts and reasoning in your own words, keeping quotation to the minimum necessary to reflect absolutely essential nuances of what is quoted or words and phrases that may be or become terms of art. (See also UOW).
RED	Redundant. The same thing was already said somewhere else, or is said later in the writing. This often indicates organizational error.
T	The tense of a verb is incorrect, confusing, or not consistent with the tense of other verbs in the same paragraph or section of the document. Normally, descriptions of the facts of cases and courts' reasoning should be in the past tense and statements of current law in the present.
TONE	The tone of the writing is inappropriate for the audience (see AUD) or the situation. Common problematic tones are: (1) condescension (e.g., in letter to client, "You may not know this, but . . ."), (2) insults, whether express or implied ("Only an idiot would conclude . . ."), (3) disrepect (to client: "You must do an IP audit." OR "You have made a bad mistake!"), and (4) insubordination (to client: "Make sure this brief is filed by next Wednesday."). Generally speaking, it is better to say the same thing more softly and diplomatically, in a way more likely to be received favorably, no matter who your audience may be.
TS	Topic sentence. The topic sentence (of a paragraph) is missing or unclear or states more than one theme, or there is more than one candidate for the role of topic sentence. The solution is: (1) to identify the main theme of the paragraph and any sentence or sentence fragment that states it; (2) to rewrite that sentence or fragment (or to write one if none exists) so as to state the theme clearly and concisely; (3) to rewrite the paragraph around that theme; and (4) to remove all extraneous material, including other candidates for topic sentences, to other paragraphs. (See also POP)
UC	Unclear. The meaning of a paragraph, sentence, clause, phrase or word (as marked) is unclear as stated. Sometimes clarifying requires just rewriting; sometimes it requires rethinking what you are trying to say.
UOW	Use [your] own words. Try to restate a quoted passage in your own words. If you can point precisely and confidently to a term of art that must be used, or to a nuance that requires expression in the original words, use that term or the minimum number of original words needed, but try to rewrite everything else. Using your own words makes the concepts your own, increases your understanding and appreciation, improves the flow of the paper, and avoids any tendency toward plagiarism. (See also QE)
VR	Vague reference, usually a pronoun. Either the antecedent is indefinite because there is no specific noun within reasonable reach, or the antecedent is ambiguous because two or more specific nouns are near enough to serve grammatically, and the reader has to think to determine which is the right one. The solution is simple: when in doubt, use a specific noun, not a pronoun or other general word. This error also can occur with nouns. The most common error is shifting from one noun to another in describing a particular person or thing, in such a way as to leave the reader in doubt regarding the antecedent. Incorrect: "The plaintiff worked hard all year. Then the defendant fired the employee without warning." (Are the "plaintiff" and "employee" the same person?) The solution is simply to use the same noun that was used in the antecedent or to add an explanatory or identifying phrase if that noun occurred too far back.
W/C	Word choice is incorrect. Common errors of this type include confusing "effect" and "affect" and using "finds," "holds," "rules" and "opines" interchangeably. A judge "finds" facts, "holds" as to law, "rules" on the result in a case or a principle of law, and "opines" if he/she is not in the majority.
W/T	Which/that/who error. Most common errors are: (1) failing to use a comma before a "which" or "who" clause that is explaining, rather than defining; (2) using a comma before such a clause that is defining; (3) using "who" (nominative case, used for subject of sentence) instead of "whom" (objective case, used for object of verb or preposition), or vice versa; (4) using "who" for an inanimate thing or "which" for an individual; or (5) using "that" when "which" would be better. "That" is permissible (and usually preferable) in defining clauses, that is, those clauses in which the pronoun should not be preceded by a comma. Ordinarily "that" should not be used in explaining clauses, i.e., those that need a comma. Correct: "Lawyers who are careless are unlikely to be successful." [No comma is used because the "who" clause defines the type of lawyers meant by the speaker; without that clause the sentence does not make sense. Here "that" could replace "who."] Also correct: "Distracted lawyers, who are often careless, may do their clients damage." [Commas are required here because the "who" clause is explaining, not defining, and the sentence could stand without it.]
WP	Wrong preposition. For example, a person may have rights "in" or "to" property, so one may speak of copyright in a book, but not copyright "of" a book. Most unabridged dictionaries point out the correct prepositions to use with particular words, either directly or by example.
WS	"Who is speaking?" The writing fails to indicate the source of the thought or expression at issue, whether by context or explicit verbal signals (e.g., "the court said," "in the court's view," "in my view," "it seems"). You should rewrite to make clear whether the statement is yours, a court's, or another cited source's.
1SP	One-sentence paragraph. Although permissible in business letters and occasionally used for emphasis in briefs, one-sentence paragraphs are disfavored and rare in formal writing. A one-sentence paragraph usually indicates one or more of the following organizational problems: (1) a missing or lame conclusion in the previous paragraph, (2) a missing or weak topic sentence in the following paragraph, (3) a poor, weak or nonexistent transition between paragraphs, or (4) failure to develop, expand, or support the idea underlying a topic sentence.
//	[Two parallel lines] Parallel structure is absent or incomplete. This usually refers to a series that is not in grammatically parallel form. Incorrect: "Suing requires filing a complaint, that the lawyer take lots of depositions, and zealous advocacy." Correct: "Suing requires filing a complaint, taking lots of depositions, and advocating zealously." OR "Suing requires commencement of the action, work on depositions, and zealous advocacy."
// ORD	Parallel order of concepts is absent or incomplete. Incorrect: "Judges and lawyers must be zealous and impartial." Since judges are impartial and lawyers are zealous, correct writing requires reversing the order of one pair of words or the other. This is true whether or not the word "respectively" is added to highlight the correspondence.

How to write effective email messages that get results

2011-08-12T11:41:00.000+09:00

Understand why you’re writing

Before you type anything into a new message, have explicit answers for two questions:

Why am I writing this?
What exactly do I want the result of this message to be?

If you can’t succinctly state these answers, you might want to hold off on sending your message until you can. People get dozens, hundreds, even thousands of emails each day, so it’s only natural for them to gravitate toward the messages that are well thought-out and that clearly respect their time and attention. Careless emails do not invite careful responses.
Think through your email from the recipient’s point of view, and make sure you’ve done everything you can to try and help yourself before contacting someone else. If it’s a valuable message, treat it that way, and put in the time to making your words count.

Subject Line

Q: I noticed that the subject line of e-mails from Japanese always begin with the word "about," for example, an e-mail from a colleagues in my lab, "about meeting and cleaning." I think it's because Japanese used to write "について" when writing an e-mail in Japanese. However, the Kaplan tells us the best rule of thumb of writing a subject line is to be specific. My question is: is the word "about" in the example redundant, making the subject line not specific? Would it become better if he wrote "meeting and cleaning?"

A: I am not qualified to advise you on writing Japanese emails. As for English, I like the following answer:

A: Use a detailed subject line. Business executives often complain that email with subject lines that are vague or empty land in their junk mail folder. Avoid getting ignored by including a straightforward but thorough subject.

A: You can make it even easier for your recipient to immediately understand why you’ve sent them an email and to quickly determine what kind of response or action it requires. Compose a great “Subject:” line that hits the high points or summarizes the thrust of the message. Avoid “Hi,” “One more thing…,” or “FYI,” in favor of typing a short summary of the most important points in the message:

Lunch resched to Friday @ 1pm
Reminder: Monday is "St. Bono’s Day"–no classes
REQ: Resend Larry Tate zip ﬁle?
HELP: Can you set up my printer?

In fact, if you’re relating just a single fact or asking one question in your email, consider using just the subject line to relate your message. In some organizations, such emails are identiﬁed by adding (EOM)—for end of message—at the end of the Subject line. This lets recipients see that the whole message is right there in the subject without clicking to the view the (non-existent) body. This is highly appreciated by people who receive a large volume of mail, since it lets them do a quick triage on your message without needing to conduct a full examination.

Sadly, good email subjects have become something of a lost art. It’s a pity, because you’re far more likely to get a favorable response from a busy person when they can quickly understand your message.

The Start

Q: While addressing the recipient, is it better to use Sir/Madam instead of Mr./Ms./Dr. followed by the name of the recipient?
Q: How should I write the title (Mr., Ms.) of recipients if I do not know his or her sex? Many non-English names are difficult to distinguish their gender just by their names.

Q: How can I write to a foreign company without knowing who is in charge of a certain section? In the Kaplan chapter 3, there is a part saying we should follow their customs of reading while writing for international audiences. But in general, which style should we follow when we are not sure whether the person we are writing to is a foreigner?

A: Say hello. Business email has become so informal that some people do not even begin with a salutation. Avoid this habit. Properly address the person you are writing and use a colon, rather than a comma. For example, "Dear Mr. Smith:" is a correct business opening. You can switch to a comma once back-and-forth correspondence is established.

A:

Dear Sir or Madam: (use if you don't know who you are writing to)
Dear Personnel Director: (use if you only know someone's title but not his or her name)
Dear Dr, Mr, Mrs, Miss or Ms Smith: (use if you know who you are writing to, and have a formal relationship with - VERY IMPORTANT use Ms for women unless asked to use Mrs or Miss)
Dear Frank: (use if the person is a close business contact or friend)

The Reference

Q: How should I do my self introduction in emails or letters?
A:

With reference to your advertisement in the Times...
With reference to your letter of 23rd March...
With reference to your phone call today...
Thank you for your letter of March 5th.

Q: What form is the proper way to self introduce myself to you in this email for making questions concerning the contents of the class last week?
A: I am listing various ways students contacted me in order of preference (best first; try to avoid the last two)

Dear Professor Ricci
Dear Mr. Ricci
Dear Mr. Vince Ricci
Dear Ricci sensei
Dear Mr. Vince
Dear Sir

The Reason for Writing

Q: How should I state the purpose of my contact?
A:

I am writing to inquire about
I am writing to apologize for
I am writing to confirm

Requesting

Q: How do I ask for what I need in a polite way?
A:

Could you possibly...?
I would be grateful if you could...

Get what you need

Although the possible topics and content of messages are theoretically endless, I’d propose that there are really just three basic types of business email.

Providing information - “Larry Tate will be in the ofﬁce Monday at 10.”
Requesting information - “Where did you put the ‘Larry Tate’ ﬁle?”
Requesting action - “Will you call Larry Tate’s admin to conﬁrm our meeting on Monday?”

It should be clear to your recipient which type of email yours is; don’t bury the lede. Get the details and context packed into that ﬁrst sentence or two whenever you can. Don’t be afraid to write an actual “topic sentence” that clariﬁes a) what this is about, and b) what response or action you require of the recipient.

Since the Larry Tate meeting on Monday has been moved from the Whale Room, could you please make sure the Fishbowl has been reserved and that the caterer has been notiﬁed of the location change? Please IM me today by 5pm Paciﬁc Time to verify.

Assume that no one will ever read more than the ﬁrst sentence of anything you write. Making that ﬁrst sentence strong and clear is easily the best way to interest your recipient in the second sentence and beyond.

What’s the action here?

If your message includes any kind of request—whether for a meeting, a progress update, or what have you—put that request near the top of the message and clearly state when you will need it. Do not, under any circumstances, assume that your overwhelmed recipient will take the time to sift through your purple prose for clues about what they’re supposed to be doing for you.

Depending on the style of your team and the volume of mail they create, you might even consider adding functional text headers to the top of the body outlining the exact nature of the message.

This email is:
[ ] actionable
[ ] fyi
[ ] social

Response needed:
[ ] yes
[ ] up to you
[ ] no

Time-sensitive:
[ ] immediate
[ ] soon
[ ] none

Remove the guesswork from your messages by thinking of them like friendly work orders; you must not be afraid to ask for what you want, especially if you have any desire to actually have the recipient give it to you.

Giving Bad News
Q: How should I manage expectations of readers to understand that something bad has happened?
A:

Unfortunately...
I am afraid that...

Enclosing Documents
Q: How do I reference attachments?
A: Most people prefer that documents be sent as attachments, rather than copied and pasted into the body of the email.

I am attaching...
Please find attached...
Attached you will find...

Closing Remarks
Q: How do I close my letter in a direct but polite way?
A:

Thank you for your help. Please contact us again if we can help in any way.
Thank you for your help. Please contact us again if there are any problems.
Thank you for your help. Please contact us again if you have any questions.

Compiled from various online sources including

http://esl.about.com/cs/onthejobenglish/a/a_basbletter.htm; accessed 1/2011
http://www.ehow.com/print/how_2075198_write-business-email.html; accessed 1/2011
http://www.43folders.com/2005/09/19/writing-sensible-email-messages; accessed 1/2011

How to Proofread and Edit Your Own Essays

2011-08-05T19:19:00.001+09:00

I encourage you to use this three-step proofreading method:

SPELL CHECK for careless mistakes: First, please use the free spell and grammar check programs offered by MS Word and/or Google Docs.
READ ALOUD to check your grammar and style: Next, read your essay draft aloud at full volume to catch awkward phrasings and words that you are using too frequently.
READ BACKWARDS to check your logic: After taking a short break (get away from your computer!), read your essay "backwards". Start with your final sentence and work back to your first. Are you making any logical leaps? How are your transitions?

More Proofreading Strategies to Try

from http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/623/01/

Skim your paper, pausing at the words "and" and "or." Check on each side of these words to see whether the items joined are parallel. If not, make them parallel.
If you have several items in a list, put them in a column to see if they are parallel.
Listen to the sound of the items in a list or the items being compared. Do you hear the same kinds of sounds? For example, is there a series of "-ing" words beginning each item? Or do your hear a rhythm being repeated? If something is breaking that rhythm or repetition of sound, check to see if it needs to be made parallel.

How To Edit Your Own Writing (Self-Editing)

from http://home.earthlink.net/~jdc24/selfEdit.htm

Editing takes considerable patience. I list below some reasonable ideas for each edit cycle. The sequence that you execute these steps may impact the style you produce; experiment a bit to see what order works best for your writing. You will know you are done editing when you are positively sick and tired of reading your work again.

A. Dictionary Check

Go through your document and look up in a dictionary any words where you aren't 101 percent sure of their meaning. I've surprised myself a couple of times when I have used a word repeatedly only to look it up and find it has another meaning entirely.

B. Action and Active Voice

Your writing will be clearer if you structure your sentences as subject-verb-object; tell action rather than describing situations. Use your word processor to search for words ending in "-ed" -- if you preceded this word by "is" or "was" (or similar verbs) the phrase would be better rewritten. Also check for the word "there" followed by "is" or "are" (or similar verbs).

D. Be Positive

Occasionally the word "not" is useful for emphasis. Most of the time though a sentence is stronger when positive; use your word processor to search for the word "not" and recast the sentence using other descriptives.

E. Drown Your Darlings

If something sticks in your mind as being "ever so clever" you probably should remove it.

F. Re-order Your Words and Sentences

Keep related words together -- adjectives next to their nouns.

MY ESSAY IS STILL TOO LONG! HOW DO I CUT WORDS?

Read your essay aloud at full volume (doing so forces you to go slow).

After each word or phrase, ask yourself, "If I cut this, will my meaning change?"

If the answer is "no", then cut it!

More tips here, including this activity from the Purdue Online Writing Lab (OWL), which is a fantastic resource for writers.

Conciseness

Summary: This resource will help you write clearly by eliminating unnecessary words and rearranging your phrases.

Contributors: Ryan Weber, Nick Hurm
Last Edited: 2010-04-17 05:34:19

The goal of concise writing is to use the most effective words. Concise writing does not always have the fewest words, but it always uses the strongest ones. Writers often fill sentences with weak or unnecessary words that can be deleted or replaced. Words and phrases should be deliberately chosen for the work they are doing. Like bad employees, words that don't accomplish enough should be fired. When only the most effective words remain, writing will be far more concise and readable.

This resource contains general conciseness tips followed by very specific strategies for pruning sentences.

1. Replace several vague words with more powerful and specific words.

Often, writers use several small and ambiguous words to express a concept, wasting energy expressing ideas better relayed through fewer specific words. As a general rule, more specific words lead to more concise writing. Because of the variety of nouns, verbs, and adjectives, most things have a closely corresponding description. Brainstorming or searching a thesaurus can lead to the word best suited for a specific instance. Notice that the examples below actually convey more as they drop in word count.

Wordy: The politician talked about several of the merits of after-school programs in his speech (14 words)

Concise: The politician touted after-school programs in his speech. (8 words)

Wordy: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her. (14 words)

Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her. (6 words)

Wordy: Our website has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist. (20 words)

Concise: Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist. (9 words)

Wordy: Working as a pupil under a someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me learn a lot. (20 words)

Concise: Working as a photo technician's apprentice was an educational experience. (10 words)

2. Interrogate every word in a sentence

Check every word to make sure that it is providing something important and unique to a sentence. If words are dead weight, they can be deleted or replaced. Other sections in this handout cover this concept more specifically, but there are some general examples below containing sentences with words that could be cut.

Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class. (22 words)

Concise: The teacher demonstrated methods for cutting words from my essay. (10 words)

Wordy: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band of musicians together in 1969, giving it the ironic name of Blind Faith because early speculation that was spreading everywhere about the band suggested that the new musical group would be good enough to rival the earlier bands that both men had been in, Cream and Traffic, which people had really liked and had been very popular. (66 words)

Concise: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band in 1969, ironically naming it Blind Faith because speculation suggested that the group would rival the musicians’ previous popular bands, Cream and Traffic. (32 words)

Wordy: Many have made the wise observation that when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline that that moving stone is not as likely to be covered all over with the kind of thick green moss that grows on stationary unmoving things and becomes a nuisance and suggests that those things haven’t moved in a long time and probably won’t move any time soon. (67 words)

Concise: A rolling stone gathers no moss. (6 words)

3. Combine Sentences.

Some information does not require a full sentence, and can easily be inserted into another sentence without losing any of its value. To get more strategies for sentence combining, see the handout on Sentence Variety.

Wordy: Ludwig's castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his death, he had commissioned three castles. (18 words)

Concise: Ludwig's three castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. (11 words)

Wordy: The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. This crash is rumored to have occurred in 1947. (24 words)

Concise: The supposed 1947 crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. (16 words)

(found at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/01/; accessed 11/2010)

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Topic Sentences

2011-08-05T19:18:00.000+09:00

Q: HOW DO I IMPROVE MY TOPIC SENTENCES SO THAT READERS WILL UNDERSTAND, BELIEVE AND CARE ABOUT MY STORY EVEN IF THEY ARE SPEED READING?

Topic Sentences: You can tell what the topic of the first body paragraph is by reading the topic sentence, which is the first sentence in the paragraph.

The topic sentence tells your reader the main idea of the paragraph. As a writer, you need to know the main idea in order to develop your paragraph with facts to support that idea.

As an exercise, strip your essay down to only the topic sentences. Ask yourself:

Does your story make sense?
Will a non-expert be able to understand what happened?
Do you appear in your own topic sentences?
Are you the star / hero of your own story?
Do your verbs convey power?

My clients often get lost in the details when writing their first drafts of leadership (and other) essays. They feel the need to explain the situation first before showing their specific task and action steps taken to achieve the desired result.

In your next draft, work to put yourself at the center of the action.

More hints

Each body paragraph of your paper builds towards proving one particular aspect of your thesis, and each of these aspects should be crystallized into a strong topic sentence.

If your paper is quite short, these sentences might represent the main points you mentioned in the blueprint part of your thesis, but they might each be more specific aspects of one of those points, particularly if your paper is longer.

Defining your topics - First and foremost, a topic sentence is a piece of analysis, NOT summary. Think of it as an original interpretation based upon the facts of your story (not just a flat summary of your topic).

The first of the following examples illustrates a statement of fact, rather than an argumentative topic sentence.

Weak Topic Sentence: "Book Five of Paradise Lost concentrates on the conversation between Adam and the archangel Raphael."

Strong Topic Sentence: "Throughout Book Five, Milton utilizes images of gardening and nourishment to convey man's maturing relationship to the divine."

http://www.essayedge.com/academics/writingadvice/course/lessonthree.html

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Show, don't tell

2011-08-05T19:17:00.000+09:00

"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." — Anton Chekov

Many writers will say that there is really only one rule for good writing: Show, don't tell.

To "show" means to demonstrate.
To "tell" means to assert.

For example, we may say, "He is sloppy." This is telling.

For example, we may say, "His shoelaces are untied, his socks are mismatched, his shirt untucked, and his face unwashed." This is showing.

In order to truly convince your readers, make sure to show with details exactly what you mean. Save your assertions for the topic and controlling sentences.

You can't tell us someone is a wonderful person, a talented musician or a spoiled child. We won't believe you. You must show us. Throughout your manuscript, look for any opportunity to show us in real time, to act out, to let us feel. The difference will amaze you.

MORE TIPS

Essay Tip: Show, Don’t Tell

November 22nd, 2010

There is an old journalistic maxim, “Show, don’t tell,” which demands that writers show their actions to express an event or story and not just offer the results of what happened.

Tell (Results Oriented):
“I arrived at ABC Bank and took on a great deal of responsibility in corporate lending. I managed diverse clients in my first year and earned the recognition of my manager. Because of my hard work, initiative and leadership, he placed me on the management track, and I knew that I would be a success in this challenging position.”

In the two sentences above, the reader is told that the applicant “took on a great deal of responsibility,” “managed diverse clients,” and “earned recognition,” none of which is substantiated via the story. Further, there is no evidence of “hard work, initiative and leadership.”

Show (Action Oriented):
“Almost immediately after joining ABC bank, I took a risk in asking management for the accounts left by a recently transferred manager. Soon, I expanded our lending relationships with a children’s clothing retailer, a metal recycler and a food distributor, making decisions on loans of up to $1MM. Although I had a commercial banking background, I sought the mentorship of our District Manager and studied aggressively for the CFA (before and after fourteen-hour days); I was encouraged when the Lending Officer cited my initiative and desire to learn, placing me on our management track….”

In the example above, the story shows the “great deal of responsibility” (client coverage/ $1MM lending decisions) and “diverse clients” (a children’s clothing retailer, a metal recycler and a food distributor). Further, “hard work, initiative and leadership” are clear throughout.

The latter is a more interesting, rich and humble paragraph – one that is more likely to captivate the reader. By showing your actions in detail, the same conclusions are drawn, but facts facilitate them. Essentially, facts become your evidence!

(found at http://www.mbamission.com/blog/2010/11/22/monday-morning-essay-tip-show-dont-tell-2/; accessed 2010/11)

Sources and more links here:

http://delicious.com/admissions/sdt

Need more hints? Check out Vince's best writing links here ▸ http://www.delicious.com/admissions/writing

Conciseness Activity from the Purdue OWL

2011-08-01T14:03:00.000+09:00

MY ESSAY IS TOO LONG. HOW DO I CUT WORDS?

Read your essay aloud at full volume (doing so forces you to go slow).

After each word or phrase, ask yourself, "If I cut this, will my meaning change?"

If the answer is "no", then cut it!

More tips here, including this activity from the Purdue Online Writing Lab (OWL), which is a fantastic resource for writers.

Conciseness

Summary: This resource will help you write clearly by eliminating unnecessary words and rearranging your phrases.

Contributors: Ryan Weber, Nick Hurm
Last Edited: 2010-04-17 05:34:19

This resource contains general conciseness tips followed by very specific strategies for pruning sentences.

1. Replace several vague words with more powerful and specific words.

Wordy: The politician talked about several of the merits of after-school programs in his speech (14 words)

Concise: The politician touted after-school programs in his speech. (8 words)

Wordy: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her. (14 words)

Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her. (6 words)

Wordy: Our website has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist. (20 words)

Concise: Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist. (9 words)

Wordy: Working as a pupil under a someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me learn a lot. (20 words)

Concise: Working as a photo technician's apprentice was an educational experience. (10 words)

2. Interrogate every word in a sentence

Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class. (22 words)

Concise: The teacher demonstrated methods for cutting words from my essay. (10 words)

Concise: A rolling stone gathers no moss. (6 words)

3. Combine Sentences.

Wordy: Ludwig's castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his death, he had commissioned three castles. (18 words)

Concise: Ludwig's three castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. (11 words)

Wordy: The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. This crash is rumored to have occurred in 1947. (24 words)

Audio

2011-07-21T12:44:00.000+09:00

Audio for November 2010 lecture is here

http://www.archive.org/details/IntroductionToTechnicalWriting2010November

Cochrane

2011-07-19T07:37:00.000+09:00

Here is an abridged version of the article that Vince summarizes in his slides.

Writing Tips for Ph.D. Students

John H. Cochrane

Graduate School of Business

University of Chicago

I. ORGANIZATION

Figure out the one central and novel contribution of your paper. Write this down in one paragraph. As with all your writing, this must be concrete. Don’t write, “I analyzed data on executive compensation and found many interesting results.” Explain what the central results are. For example, Fama and French 1992 start their abstract with: “Two easily measured variables, size and book-to-market equity, combine to capture the cross-sectional variation in average stock returns associated with market β, size, leverage, book-to-market equity, and earnings-price ratios.”

Distilling your one central contribution will take some thought. It will cause some pain, because you will start to realize how much you’re going to have to throw out. Once you do it, though, you’re in a much better position to focus the paper on that one contribution, and help readers to get it quickly.

Your readers are busy and impatient. No reader will ever read the whole thing from start to finish. Readers skim. You have to make it easy for them to skim. Most readers want to know your basic result. Only a few care how it is different from others. Only a few care if it holds up with different variable definitions, different instrument sets, etc. Organize the paper in “triangular” or “newspaper” style, not in “joke” or “novel” style. Notice how newspapers start with the most important part, then fill in background later for the readers who kept going and want more details. A good joke or a mystery novel has a long windup to the final punchline. Don’t write papers like that — put the punchline right up front and then slowly explain the joke. Readers don’t stick around to find the punchline in Table 12.

(Most writers) get this exactly wrong, and we never really find out what the contribution of the paper is until the last page, the last table, and the last 5 minutes of the seminar. A good paper is not a travelogue of your search process. We don’t care how you came to figure out the right answer. We don’t care about the hundreds of things you tried that did not work. Save it for your memoirs.

Abstract

Most journals allow 100-150 words. Obey this limit now. The main function of the abstract is to communicate the one central and novel contribution, which you just figured out. You should not mention other literature in the abstract. Like everything else, the abstract must be concrete. Say what you find, not what you look for. Don’t write, “data are analyzed, theorems are proved, discussion is made.”

Introduction

The introduction should start with what you do in this paper, the major contribution. You must explain that contribution so that people can understand it. Don’t just state your conclusion: “My results show that the pecking-order theory is rejected.” Give the fact behind that result. “In a regression of x on y, controlling for z, the coefficient is q.”

The first sentence is the hardest. Do not start with philosophy, “Financial economists have long wondered if markets are efficient.” Do not start with “The finance literature has long been interested in x.” Your paper must be interesting on its own, and not just because lots of other people wasted space on the subject. Do not start with a long motivation of how important the issue is to public policy. All of this is known to writers as “clearing your throat.” It’s a waste of space. Start with your central contribution.

Three pages is a good upper limit for the introduction.

I don’t write a “roadmap” paragraph: “Section 2 sets out the model, section 3 discusses identification, section 4 gives the main results, section 5 checks for robustness, section 6 concludes.” It seems a waste of space; readers will figure it out when they get there and I save a paragraph against the editor’s page count. Make your own mind up about this question; but realize it’s not mandatory.

Literature review

Do not start your introduction with a page and a half of other literature. First, your readers are most interested in just figuring out what you do. They can’t start wondering if it’s better than what others have done until they understand what you do. Second, most readers do not know the literature. It’s going to be hard enough to explain your paper in simple terms; good luck explaining everyone else’s too.

After you’ve explained your contribution, then you can write a brief literature review. Make it a separate section of otherwise set it off so disinterested people can skip it. Remember, it will be very hard for people to understand how your paper is different from others’ given that they don’t understand your paper yet, and most of them have not read the other papers.

Be generous in your citations. You do not have to say that everyone else did it all wrong for your approach and improvements to be interesting.

The main point of the literature review should be to set your paper off against the 2 or 3 closest current papers, and to give proper credit to people who deserve priority for things that might otherwise seem new in your paper. Some people worry a lot about strategic citations; choosing citations to hint to editors who they should assign as referees and adding loads of citations to make sure referees see themselves.

Body of the paper

Your task now is to get to the central result as fast as possible. Most papers do precisely the opposite: They have a long motivation, a long literature review, a big complex model that then gets ignored, descriptive statistics, preliminary results, a side discussion or two and then finally Table 12 of “main estimates.” By then, we’re all asleep.

Here’s the rule: There should be nothing before the main result that a reader does not need to know in order to understand the main result.

Conclusions

Conclusions should be short and sweet. Do not restate all of your findings. One statement in the abstract, one in the introduction and once more in the body of the text should be enough! You can include a short paragraph or two acknowledging limitations, suggesting implications beyond those in the paper. Keep it short though — don’t write your grant application here outlining all of your plans for future research. And don’t speculate; the reader wants to know your facts not your opinions.

Appendices

Appendices are a great tool. Take that delicious section that has so many insightful comments on the literature, the general version of the model, the 57 robustness exercises that you did, and dump them in to an appendix. This is a good way to get them out of the paper. Eventually you’ll dump them out of the appendix too.

Seriously, careful authors, referees and critics often want to document that the main result is robust to various other ways of doing things. You have to do that, but once you’ve verified that it does not make that much difference and you’ve found the one best way of doing things in your main result, it isn’t worth space in the paper to present all the checks and variations. Appendices are a great way to solve this problem, and you can just summarize all the things you did in the paper. You can put the appendix on your and the journal’s website.

II. WRITING

Keep it short Keep the paper as short as possible. Every word must count. As you edit the paper, ask yourself constantly, “can I make the same point in less space?” and “Do I really have to say this?” Final papers should be no more than 40 pages. Drafts should be shorter. (Do as I say, not as I do!) Shorter is better.

Don’t repeat things. In other words, if you’ve said it once, you don’t have to say it again. Most of all, it uses up extra space and reader’s patience to have to see the same point made over and over again. So, once again, repetition is really a bad idea. (Get the picture?) “In other words” is a sign of trouble. Go back and say it once, right.

General points

Follow the rule “first describe what you do, then explain it, compare it to alternatives, and compare it to others’ procedures” at the micro level as well as the macro level. For example, in describing a data transformation, just start with, say, “I adjust income by the square root of household size”. Then tell us why adjusting is important, and then talk about different adjustment functions. Most writers do all this in the reverse order.

Previews and recalls convey poor organization. “As we will see in Table 6” “Recall from section 2” “this result previews the extra analysis of section 4” all often mean you didn’t put things in the right order.

Strive for precision. Read each sentence carefully. Does each sentence say something, and does it mean what it says?

Document your work. A fellow graduate student must be able to sit down with your paper and all alone reproduce every number in it from instructions given in the paper, and any print or web appendices. The usual student paper falls short here. There is a sea of verbiage, but I can’t figure out how the central table of results was computed, how standard errors were computed, how a simulation was conducted, etc.

Simple is better. Most students think they have to dress up a paper to look impressive. The exact opposite is true: The less math used, the better. The simpler the estimation technique, the better.

Footnotes

Don’t use footnotes for parenthetical comments. If it’s important, put it in the text. If it’s not important, delete it. Parenthetical comments in footnotes usually mean you haven’t organized your ideas; you haven’t figured out where to put this thought in a proper linear sequence. Do you really want the reader to stop and read this? Then it should be in the text. Do you think the average reader should not stop? Then delete the footnote. Obviously, lots of parentheses are just as bad as lots of footnotes.

Use footnotes only for things that the typical reader genuinely can skip, but a few readers might want to have attached to the current point. Long lists of references, simple bits of algebra, or other documentation are good candidates for footnotes.

Tables

Each table should have a self-contained caption so that a skimming reader can understand the fact presented without having to go searching through the text for things like the definitions of Greek letters. Don’t go nuts here; some captions are longer than the paper. In my opinion, you can leave out details of variable construction and similar items. “Book/market ratio” is fine; you don’t have to tell me that you got book values in June from Compustat. The goal is to allow a skimming reader to understand the table, not to substitute for the detailed documentation that must be in the paper somewhere.

No number should appear in a table that is not discussed in the text. You don’t have to mention each number separately; “Row 1 of Table 3 shows a u-shaped pattern” is ok. “Table 5 shows summary statistics” (period) is not ok. If it’s not worth writing about in the text, it’s not worth putting in the table.

Use the correct number of significant digits, not whatever the program spits out. 4.56783 with a standard error of 0.6789 should be 4.6 with a standard error of 0.7. Two to three significant digits are plenty for almost all economics and finance applications.

Use sensible units. Percentages are good. If you can report a number as 2.3 rather than 0.0000023, that’s usually easier to understand.

Figures

Good figures really make a paper come alive, and they communicate patterns in the data much better than big tables of numbers. Bad or poorly chosen figures waste a lot of space. Again, give a self-contained caption, including a verbal definition of each symbol on the graphs. Label the axes. Use sensible units. Don’t use dotted line types that are invisible when reproduced. Don’t use dashes for very volatile series.

Writing tips

The most important thing in writing is to keep track of what your reader knows and doesn’t know. Most Ph.D. students assume far too much. No, we do not have the details of every paper ever written in our heads. Keep in mind what you have explained and what you have not.
The reader usually wants most of all to understand your basic point, and won’t start criticizing it before he or she understands it. That’s behind my advice to first state and explain what you do, and save defending it and comparing it to other approaches until much later.
Use active tense. Not: “it is assumed that τ = 3”, “data were constructed as follows.” Gee, I wonder who did that assuming and constructing? Search for “is” and “are” in the document to root out every single passive sentence.
“I” is fine. Don’t use the royal “we” on a sole-authored paper. “I assume that τ = 3.” “I construct the data as follows.” If it seems like too much “I,” you can often avoid the article altogether. For example, I think it’s ok to write “Table 5 presents estimates” rather than “I present estimates in Table 5”, though a purist might object to making a Table the subject of a sentence. I use “we” to mean “you (the reader) and I,” and “you” for the reader. “We can see the u-shaped coefficients in Table 5” or “You can see the u-shaped coefficients” is much better than “The u-shaped coefficients can be seen” (passive) or “one can see the u-shaped coefficients” (who, exactly?)
Much bad writing comes down to trying to avoid responsibility for what you’re saying. That’s why people resort to passive sentences, “it should be noted that”, poor organization with literature first and your idea last, and so on. Take a deep breath, and take responsibility for what you’re writing.
Present tense is usually best. You can say “Fama and French 1993 find that” even though 1993 was a while ago. The same goes for your own paper; describe what you find in Table 5 not what you will find in Table 5. Most importantly, though, keep the tense consistent. Don’t start a paragraph in past tense and finish it in the future.
Use the normal sentence structure: subject, verb, object. Not: “The insurance mechanisms that agents utilize to smooth consumption in the face of transitory earnings fluctuations are diverse” Instead: “People use a variety of insurance mechanisms to smooth consumption.” (I also changed the starchy “agents” to the concrete “people,” and the simple “variety” rather than the fancy “diverse.” Actually, this whole sentence probably should be dumped; it was introducing a paragraph that described the mechanisms. It’s a throat-clearing sentence that violates the rule that every sentence should mean something. The fact that people use a variety of mechanisms is not big news; the news is what the mechanisms are.)
Avoid technical jargon wherever possible.
Writing should be concrete, not abstract. (Insert concrete examples.)

Little writing tips

Don’t use adjectives to describe your work: “striking results” “very significant” coefficients, etc. If the work merits adjectives, the world will give them to you.
If you must use adjectives, don’t use double adjectives. Results are certainly not “very novel.”
Use simple short words not big fancy words. “Use” not “utilize.” “Several” not “diverse”.
It is usually the case that most good writers find that everything before the “that” should be deleted from a sentence. Read that sentence again starting at “Everything”: it’s true, isn’t it? “It should be noted that” is particularly obnoxious. Just say what you want to say. “It is easy to show that” means that it isn’t. Search for “that” in the document to get rid of these. Similarly, strike “A comment is in order at this point.” Just make the comment. These phrases also violate the rule that each sentence should mean what it says. Is the point of the sentence really that “it should be noted?” Or is this just a wimpy way to bring up the topic?
Clothe the naked “this.” “This shows that markets really are irrational...” This what? “This” should always have something following it. “This regression shows that....” is fine. More generally, this helps (no, that should be “this rule helps,” right?) you to avoid an unclear antecedent to the “this.” Often there are three or more things in recent memory that “this” could point to.
Hyphens are widely misused. Here’s the rule from the JFE style sheet: “Hyphens are used for true compound modiﬁers before the noun (e.g., after-tax income, risk-free rate, two-day return, three-digit SIC code, value-weighted index) unless part of the compound modiﬁer is an adverb ending in ‘ly’ (e.g., previously acquired subsidiary, equally weighted index, publicly traded stock). When there is no risk of misinterpretation, the hyphen can be omitted, but the treatment must be consistent throughout the paper.” Note the hyphen is optional, so you don’t have to construct monstrosities like “continually-rebalanced-equally-weighted portfolio.” Don’t use hyphens in other circumstances, e.g. “The paper focuses on small-stocks.”
Strike “I leave x for future research.” We’re less interested in your plans and excuses than we are in your memoirs.
Keep down the number of clauses in your sentences, and the number of things kept hanging.
“Where” refers to a place. “In which” refers to a model. Don’t write “models where consumers have uninsured shocks,” write “models in which consumers have uninsured shocks.”
Don’t abbreviate authors’ names, “FF show that size really does matter.” There is always enough space to spell out people’s names. You’d want them to write out yours, no?
It is appropriate to thank people who have helped you in the author footnote. I don’t add the qualiﬁer about not blaming people I thank for comments for mistakes. It goes without saying. I don’t list every single place I’ve given the workshop in the thanks. I’m not ungrateful, but the long list can get out of hand.
Don’t start your paper with a cute quotation.
Don’t overuse italics. (I use them far too much.) It’s best to use them only when the emphasis in a sentence would otherwise not be clear — but maybe then you should rewrite the sentence so that the emphasis really is clear. (Who is that shouting in here?)
When describing the sign of a casual link, one direction is enough. “When Jane goes up (down) on the teeter-totter, Billy goes down (up) on the other side,” the stuff in the parentheses is distracting. Add “and vice versa” if you must.
Every sentence should have a subject, verb and object. No sentences like “No sentences like this.”

Conclusion

Many economists falsely think of themselves as scientists who just “write up” research. We are not; we are primarily writers. Economics and ﬁnance papers are essays. Most good economists spend at least 50% of the time they put into any project on writing. For me, it’s more like 80%.

Pay attention to the writing in papers you read, and notice the style adopted by authors you admire.

I got a lot out of reading William Zinsser’s On Writing Well l, and D. McCloskey’s Rhetoric of Economics. I also found Glenn Ellison’s “The slowdown of the economics publishing process” in the JPE useful for thinking about how papers should be structured (and refereed and edited, but that’s another story).

VINCE's NOTE

I omitted the following two sections from Cochrane's original paper

Tips for empirical work (please see p. 9 of pdf @ http://bit.ly/CochranePhD)
Seminar presentations (please see p. 11 of pdf @ http://bit.ly/CochranePhD)

Peer Review

2011-07-17T13:18:00.000+09:00

Write a single one (A4) page proposal for a piece of writing in your field. You will share it with peers who are NOT in your field, so be sure to explain complex terms using simple words that anyone could understand.

Answer the question: What are you working on right now? (Explain your current research to someone from a different academic discipline.)

Include three sections

Introduction
One Body Paragraph
Conclusion

•Between 450-600 words

•Bring four printed copies to our June 15 class

•You will exchange papers with your peers from different academic discliplines
•You will fill out the form below

Author________________________

Reviewer______________________

The goals of peer review are 1) to help improve your classmate's paper by pointing out strengths and weaknesses that may not be apparent to the author, and 2) to help improve editing skills.

INSTRUCTIONS

Read the paper(s) assigned to you twice, once to get an overview of the paper, and a second time to provide constructive criticism for the author to use when revising his/her paper. Answer the questions below.

STRUCTURE (30%)

1. Were the introduction, body paragraph, and conclusion adequate? If not, what is missing?

2. Was the material ordered in a way that was logical, clear, and easy to follow? Why or why not? Explain with details.

CONTENT (30%)

3. Did the writer adequately summarize and discuss the topic? Why or why not? Explain with details.

4. Did the writer merely summarize existing data or publications?

WORD CHOICE (20%)

5. Are the words specific and accurate? Does the writer use strong action verbs whenever possible? Are the adjectives as descriptive as possible? Are the nouns specific, not general? Why or why not? Explain with details.

GRAMMAR AND STYLE (20%)

6. Were there grammatical or spelling problems? Did the writer use active and passive voice appropriately?

7. Was the writer’s writing style clear, appealing, and full of energy? Why or why not? Explain with details.

Peer Review Lesson Plan
Form groups of four
Assign each member a letter (A, B, or C)
You have 20 mins per paper

Writer 1 gives each peer a copy of her paper
Peer reads the paper twice: first time for content (ideas), second time for style and usage (grammar): approximately 4 mins
Peers write comments on front page of handout: approximately 2 mins
Peers review comments before sharing them (ensure they are logical, relevant, and easy to understand): approximately 1 min
Peers share comments with writers verbally one-by-one, then give writer their written comments: approximately 8 mins
Writer processes comments by asking peer for clarification and further advice on how to improve her paper: approximately 5 mins
Repeat steps 1-6 above every 20 minutes until 6pm

PEER REVIEW

"As a peer reviewer, your job is not to provide answers. You raise questions; the writer makes the choices. You act as a mirror, showing the writer how the draft looks to you and pointing our areas which need attention." - Sharon Williams

TIPS FOR PEER RESPONSE

Read a draft all the way through before you begin to comment on it.
Give yourself enough time to read and respond.
Point out the strengths of the draft.
When discussing areas that need improvement, be nice. Offer appropriate, constructive comments from a reader's point of view.
Make comments text-specific, referring specifically to the writer's draft (NO "rubber stamps" such as "awkward" or "unclear" or "vague," which are too general to be helpful).
Don't overwhelm the writer with too much commentary. Stick to the major issues on the feedback form that are problematic.
Make sure your suggestions are reasonable (i.e., don't suggest that they totally rewrite the paper because you didn't agree with the author's point of view or didn’t like the topic).
If something appears too complicated to write in the commentary, just mention that you have something that you would like to talk to the writer about when you discuss the draft afterward.
Before giving your written comments to the author, reread your comments to make sure they are clear and make sense.

APPROPRIATE, CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS

Be respectful and considerate of the writer's feelings.
Use "I" statements.
Offer suggestions, not commands.
Raise questions from a reader's point of view, points that may not have occurred to the writer.
Phrase comments clearly and carefully so that the writer can easily understand what needs to be improved.
Make sure comments are constructive and specific (not "This paper is confusing. It keeps saying the same things over and over again" but rather "It sounds like paragraph five makes the same point as paragraphs 2 and 3.").
Avoid turning the writer's paper into YOUR paper.

(found at http://mwp01.mwp.hawaii.edu/resources/peer_review.htm; accessed 11/2010)

HOMEWORK

1. PLEASE COMPLETE THIS ACTIVITY
http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.com/2010/06/week-3-activity.html

2. PLEASE CHECK AND FOLLOW THESE WRITING TIPS
http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.com/search/label/editing

3. PLEASE COMPLETE THE FOLLOWING ACTIVITY

Rewrite your paper based
Bring four copies to class

Subject and Verb Agreement

2011-04-20T11:27:00.019+09:00

Many ESL writers struggle to keep their subjects and verbs in agreement. Here are some useful tips from Jane Strauss, author of "The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation".

Basic Rule.	The basic rule states that a singular subject takes a singular verb, while a plural subject takes a plural verb. NOTE: The trick is in knowing whether the subject is singular or plural. The next trick is recognizing a singular or plural verb.
	*Hint: Verbs do not form their plurals by adding an s as nouns do. In order to determine which verb is singular and which one is plural, think of which verb you would use with he or she* and which verb you would use with they.
	Example:	talks, talk Which one is the singular form? Which word would you use with he? We say, "He talks." Therefore, talks is singular. We say, "They talk." Therefore, talk is plural.

Rule 1.	Two singular subjects connected by or or nor require a singular verb.
	*Example:*	My aunt or my uncle is arriving by train today.

Rule 2.	Two singular subjects connected by either/or or neither/nor require a singular verb as in Rule 1.
	Examples:	Neither Juan nor Carmen is available.
		Either Kiana or Casey is helping today with stage decorations.

Rule 3.	When I is one of the two subjects connected by either/or or neither/nor, put it second and follow it with the singular verb am.
	Example:	Neither she nor I am going to the festival.

Rule 4.	When a singular subject is connected by or or nor to a plural subject, put the plural subject last and use a plural verb.
	Example:	The serving bowl or the plates go on that shelf.

Rule 5.	When a singular and plural subject are connected by either/or or neither/nor, put the plural subject last and use a plural verb.
	Example:	Neither Jenny nor the others are available.

Rule 6.	As a general rule, use a plural verb with two or more subjects when they are connected by and.
	Example:	A car and a bike are my means of transportation.

Rule 7.	Sometimes the subject is separated from the verb by words such as along with, as well as, besides, or not. Ignore these expressions when determining whether to use a singular or plural verb.
	Examples:	The politician, along with the newsmen, is expected shortly.
		Excitement, as well as nervousness, is the cause of her shaking.

Rule 8.	The pronouns each, everyone, every one, everybody, anyone, anybody, someone, and somebody are singular and require singular verbs. Do not be misled by what follows of.
	Examples:	Each of the girls sings well.
		Every one of the cakes is gone. NOTE: Everyone is one word when it means everybody. Every one is two words when the meaning is each one.

Rule 9.	With words that indicate portions—percent, fraction, part, majority, some, all, none, remainder, and so forth —look at the noun in your of phrase (object of the preposition) to determine whether to use a singular or plural verb. If the object of the preposition is singular, use a singular verb. If the object of the preposition is plural, use a plural verb.
	Examples:	Fifty percent of the pie has disappeared. Pie is the object of the preposition of.
		Fifty percent of the pies have disappeared. Pies is the object of the preposition.
		One-third of the city is unemployed.
		One-third of the people are unemployed. NOTE: Hyphenate all spelled-out fractions.
		All of the pie is gone.
		All of the pies are gone.
		Some of the pie is missing.
		Some of the pies are missing.
		None of the garbage was picked up.
		None of the sentences were punctuated correctly.
		Of all her books, none have sold as well as the first one.

Rule 10.	The expression the number is followed by a singular verb while the expression a number is followed by a plural verb.
	Examples:	The number of people we need to hire is thirteen.
		A number of people have written in about this subject.

Rule 11.	When either and neither are subjects, they always take singular verbs.
	Examples:	Neither of them is available to speak right now.
		Either of us is capable of doing the job.

Rule 12.	The words here and there have generally been labeled as adverbs even though they indicate place. In sentences beginning with herethere, the subject follows the verb. or
	Examples:	There are four hurdles to jump.
		There is a high hurdle to jump.

Rule 13.	Use a singular verb with sums of money or periods of time.
	Examples:	Ten dollars is a high price to pay.
		Five years is the maximum sentence for that offense.

Rule 14.	Sometimes the pronoun who, that, or which is the subject of a verb in the middle of the sentence. The pronouns who, that, and which become singular or plural according to the noun directly in front of them. So, if that noun is singular, use a singular verb. If it is plural, use a plural verb.
	Examples:	Salma is the scientist who writes/write the reports. The word in front of who is scientist, which is singular. Therefore, use the singular verb writes.
		He is one of the men who does/do the work. The word in front of who is men, which is plural. Therefore, use the plural verb do.

Rule 15.	Collective nouns such as team and staff may be either singular or plural depending on their use in the sentence.
	Examples:	The staff is in a meeting. Staff is acting as a unit here.
		The staff are in disagreement about the findings. The staff are acting as separate individuals in this example.
		The sentence would read even better as: The staff members are in disagreement about the findings.

(found at http://www.grammarbook.com/grammar/subjectVerbAgree.asp; accessed 2011/06)

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Articles

2011-04-20T07:49:00.011+09:00

Even writers who grew up in English-speaking countries struggle with articles. Here are some tips from the Purdue Online Writing Lab (OWL), which is a fantastic resource.

Using Articles

Summary: This handout discusses the differences between indefinite articles (a/an) and definite articles (the).

Contributors: Paul Lynch, Allen Brizee, Elizabeth Angeli
Last Edited: 2011-03-03 10:04:28

What is an article? Basically, an article is an adjective. Like adjectives, articles modify nouns.

English has two articles: the and a/an. The is used to refer to specific or particular nouns; a/an is used to modify non-specific or non-particular nouns. We call the the definite article and a/an the indefinite article.

the = definite article

a/an = indefinite article

For example, if I say, "Let's read the book," I mean a specific book. If I say, "Let's read a book," I mean any book rather than a specific book.

Here's another way to explain it: The is used to refer to a specific or particular member of a group. For example, "I just saw the most popular movie of the year." There are many movies, but only one particular movie is the most popular. Therefore, we use the.

"A/an" is used to refer to a non-specific or non-particular member of the group. For example, "I would like to go see a movie." Here, we're not talking about a specific movie. We're talking about any movie. There are many movies, and I want to see any movie. I don't have a specific one in mind.

Let's look at each kind of article a little more closely.

Indefinite Articles: a and an

"A" and "an" signal that the noun modified is indefinite, referring to any member of a group. For example:

"My daughter really wants a dog for Christmas." This refers to any dog. We don't know which dog because we haven't found the dog yet.
"Somebody call a policeman!" This refers to any policeman. We don't need a specific policeman; we need any policeman who is available.
"When I was at the zoo, I saw an elephant!" Here, we're talking about a single, non-specific thing, in this case an elephant. There are probably several elephants at the zoo, but there's only one we're talking about here.

Remember, using a or an depends on the sound that begins the next word. So...

a + singular noun beginning with a consonant: a boy; a car; a bike; a zoo; a dog
an + singular noun beginning with a vowel: an elephant; an egg; an apple; an idiot; an orphan
a + singular noun beginning with a consonant sound: a user (sounds like 'yoo-zer,' i.e. begins with a consonant 'y' sound, so 'a' is used); a university; a unicycle
an + nouns starting with silent "h": an hour
a + nouns starting with a pronounced "h": a horse
- In some cases where "h" is pronounced, such as "historical," you can use an. However, a is more commonly used and preferred.
  A historical event is worth recording.

Remember that these rules also apply when you use acronyms:

Introductory Composition at Purdue (ICaP) handles first-year writing at the University. Therefore, an ICaP memo generally discusses issues concerning English 106 instructors.

Another case where this rule applies is when acronyms start with consonant letters but have vowel sounds:

An MSDS (material safety data sheet) was used to record the data. An SPCC plan (Spill Prevention Control and Countermeasures plan) will help us prepare for the worst.

If the noun is modified by an adjective, the choice between a and an depends on the initial sound of the adjective that immediately follows the article:

a broken egg
an unusual problem
a European country (sounds like 'yer-o-pi-an,' i.e. begins with consonant 'y' sound)

Remember, too, that in English, the indefinite articles are used to indicate membership in a group:

I am a teacher. (I am a member of a large group known as teachers.)
Brian is an Irishman. (Brian is a member of the people known as Irish.)
Seiko is a practicing Buddhist. (Seiko is a member of the group of people known as Buddhists.)

Definite Article: the

The definite article is used before singular and plural nouns when the noun is specific or particular. The signals that the noun is definite, that it refers to a particular member of a group. For example:

"The dog that bit me ran away." Here, we're talking about a specific dog, the dog that bit me.

"I was happy to see the policeman who saved my cat!" Here, we're talking about a particular policeman. Even if we don't know the policeman's name, it's still a particular policeman because it is the one who saved the cat.

"I saw the elephant at the zoo." Here, we're talking about a specific noun. Probably there is only one elephant at the zoo.

Count and Noncount Nouns

The can be used with noncount nouns, or the article can be omitted entirely.

"I love to sail over the water" (some specific body of water) or "I love to sail over water" (any water).
"He spilled the milk all over the floor" (some specific milk, perhaps the milk you bought earlier that day) or "He spilled milk all over the floor" (any milk).

"A/an" can be used only with count nouns.

"I need a bottle of water."
"I need a new glass of milk."

Most of the time, you can't say, "She wants a water," unless you're implying, say, a bottle of water.

Geographical use of the

There are some specific rules for using the with geographical nouns.

Do not use the before:

names of most countries/territories: Italy, Mexico, Bolivia; however, thethe Dominican Republic, the Philippines, the United States Netherlands,
names of cities, towns, or states: Seoul, Manitoba, Miami
names of streets: Washington Blvd., Main St.
names of lakes and bays: Lake Titicaca, Lake Erie except with a group of lakes like the Great Lakes
names of mountains: Mount Everest, Mount Fuji except with ranges of mountains like the Andes or the Rockies or unusual names like the Matterhorn
names of continents (Asia, Europe)
names of islands (Easter Island, Maui, Key West) except with island chains like the Aleutians, the Hebrides, or the Canary Islands

Do use the before:

names of rivers, oceans and seas: the Nile, the Pacific
points on the globe: the Equator, the North Pole
geographical areas: the Middle East, the West
deserts, forests, gulfs, and peninsulas: the Sahara, the Persian Gulf, the Black Forest, the Iberian Peninsula

Omission of Articles

Some common types of nouns that don't take an article are:

Names of languages and nationalities: Chinese, English, Spanish, Russian (unless you are referring to the population of the nation: "The Spanish are known for their warm hospitality.")
Names of sports: volleyball, hockey, baseball
Names of academic subjects: mathematics, biology, history, computer science

(found at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01; accessed 2011/06)

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Passive Voice

2011-04-10T08:55:00.004+09:00

Passive voice is used frequently in technical writing, where the focus is usually on what was done rather than who did it. It is conventionally used to report experimental procedure and to avoid constant repetition of I or we throughout the report, paper or thesis.

In order to use passive voice correctly, it is necessary to fully understand, and be able to recognize, the difference between passive and active voice.

(found at http://www.monash.edu.au/lls/llonline/grammar/engineering/passive/index.xml; accessed 2011/06)

Active and passive voice

The active voice names an 'actor' which/who is the subject of the verb; the actor does the verb.

Who/What does the verb? If the answer is clear, the sentence is active. Note that often, there is a direct object (DO) 'receiving' the action.

Part of speech	Subject	Verb
Sentence	The students	tested	the samples.
	The samples	failed.

Who/What is the verb done to? This is the direct object.

Part of speech	Subject	Verb	Direct Object
Sentence	The students	tested	the samples.

Where possible, use the active voice. It is direct, brief, and easy to understand.

The passive voice places the emphasis on the action rather than the actor. The direct object is placed before the verb, which is given in the passive form. The subject, or actor, is usually not mentioned.

Example: The samples were tested.

Formation of the passive

The passive can use any tense of the verb to be + a past participle

Subject	Any tense of the verb to be +	A past participle
The load/s	is/are was/were	calculated.
The report/s	has been have been	presented.
The sample/s	will be can be	tested.
The result/s	is/are being (should) have been (could) have been	compared

(found at http://www.monash.edu.au/lls/llonline/grammar/engineering/passive/1.0.xml; accessed 2011/06)

Reasons for using the passive

1. The 'actor' is not known.

Oil was discovered off the coast of Australia.
The number of Internet users was estimated to be over one million.

2. The 'actor' is not important.

The report has been published.
The results will be presented at the conference.

3. It is considered desirable to conceal the identity of the 'actor'.

The results are invalid, as the correct testing procedure was not followed.
Research funding will be cut next year.

4. An impersonal tone is needed for academic writing.

In this report, the stress fields in a C-shape plate will be analyzed.

An impersonal tone is also used for process descriptions.

First, the raw materials are loaded into a container ...

5. A tactful tone is needed to smooth over an error or difficulty.

Compare these two examples.

Example of passive voice: The samples were not checked at the second stage . . .
Example of active voice: We forgot to check the samples . . .

(found at http://www.monash.edu.au/lls/llonline/grammar/engineering/passive/1.1.xml; accessed 2011/06)

Changing active to passive

Example of active voice

Part of speech	Subject	Verb	Object
Sentence	The group	will present	the report	next week.

STEP 1: move the object to the subject position

The report ...

STEP 2: change the verb to the passive, making sure that BE takes the same tense as the verb in the active sentence

The report will be presented ...

STEP 3: drop the subject

Example of passive voice without the subject: The report will be presented next week.

or move it to a position after the verb

Example of passive voice with the subject: The report will be presented by the group next week.

(found at http://www.monash.edu.au/lls/llonline/grammar/engineering/passive/2.xml; accessed 2011/06)

Verbs that can't be used in the passive

Most verbs can be changed from the active to the passive.

Active voice: We tested the samples. > Passive voice: The samples were tested.

If the verb can be followed by a direct object (a direct object answers the question who or what after the verb) it can be made passive.

Part of speech		Verb	Direct object
Sentence	These difficulties	may delay	the completion of the project.

But the verb occur, for example, cannot take a direct object.

Part of speech		Verb	Indirect object
Sentence	A solution	occurred	to him.

This cannot be transformed to the passive since there is no direct object to become the subject.

Some verbs that can be used only in the active are: occur, rise, happen, arise, fall, exist, consist (of), depend (on), result (from).

Active and passive verbs

Active (correct)		Passive (incorrect)
Problems may	occur happen arise exist	Problems may be	occurred happened arisen existed
They	consist of depend on	They are	consist of depend on

Note: 'They are dependent on . . .' is correct since 'dependent' is an adjective.

A special case:

Part of speech	Subject	Verb	Object
Sentence	They	lack	resources.

Lack can take a direct object but cannot be transformed to the passive: Resources are lacked (incorrect). However, you could write: Resources are lacking.

Concern and involve

Concerned about means 'worried about'. Concerned with means 'involved in'. The passive voice can be used with both meanings. Whether or not they can be used in the passive depends on the meaning.

To involve has three meanings:

To participate, to take part
To include
To require

Only the first meaning, to participate, to take part can be used in the passive form.

This week, students are involved in lab work.

The active voice must be used with the second meaning, to include.

Example: He often involves his students in his research.

The active voice must also be used with the third meaning, to require.

Example: The project involves buying new software.

(found at http://www.monash.edu.au/lls/llonline/grammar/engineering/passive/3.xml; accessed 2011/06)

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Capitalization Tips

2011-03-05T11:34:00.005+09:00

Q: WHEN DO I CAPITALIZE A WORD?

Capitalize:

The first word of a sentence.
The first word of a quotation. [He said, "Let's do it."]
- Exception: If a quotation is less than a sentence, don't capitalize the first word. [He said it was "wonderful."]
The word "I."
Proper names and abbreviations of proper names. [S.D. Tripp]
Proper names used as adjectives. [the Fourier transform]
Geographical names and names of political units. [Asia, Fukushima]
Compass directions only when they are parts of names. [North Korea]
Names of streets, buildings, parks, and companies. [Broadway, the Empire State Building, Central Park, Sony]
Names of organizations and religions. [the Republican Party, Buddhism]
Names of races and nationalities. [Caucasian, Japanese]
The names of wars, battles, historical events, and historical periods. [World War II, the Battle of the Coral Sea, the Meiji Restoration, the Tokugawa Period]
The names of prizes, treaties, and famous documents. [the Nobel Prize, the Declaration of Independance]
Military and civilian titles. [General MacArthur, Prime Minister Hashimoto]
Academic degrees. [John Smith, Ph.D.]

http://www.delicious.com/admissions/capitalization

Q: Should you capitalize masters degree?

A: The answer depends on context.

If you are writing a sentence in which you mention a bachelor's degree or a master's degree or even a doctor's degree, do not capitalize------but always remember to use the apostrophe! (See http://www.cmu.edu/styleguide/capitalization.htmle.)

If you are writing a person's name and including degree(s) earned, capitalize the abbreviations as you've always seen them: Lynne Hancock, L.P.N., R.N., B.S.N., M.S.N or Lynda Eggleston, B.A., M.A., Ph.D. (Ordinarily it is not necessary to list all earned if they were successive. In other words anyone holding a Ph.D. would hold a bachelor's and a master's, so Ph.D. is sufficient. If however you have someone with several fields of study, you'd want to indicate highest degree earned within each field.)

If you are writing your own resume, use capitalized abbreviations: EDUCATION M.S. Zoology, 2006.

These are the most often used contexts, but if your context is different from those mentioned above, just submit the question again with the context defined.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Should_you_capitalize_masters_degree

How to Use Acronyms

2011-03-05T11:27:00.014+09:00

Q: HOW AND WHEN DO I USE ABBREVIATED WORDS?

A: Typically, an abbreviation is spelled out at its first instance in an article, followed by the abbreviated form within parentheses; in subsequent instances, only the abbreviation is used. However, this is not compulsory for terms that may be familiar to the intended readers.

For example,

INCORRECT

I work as an engineer for NTT. NTT is Japan's leading telecommunications company.

CORRECT

I work as an engineer for Nippon Telegraph & Telephone Corporation (NTT). NTT is Japan's leading telecommunications company.

CORRECT

As my long-term goal, I plan to become CEO of my company.

(CEO is a well-known, universal acronym, so you do not need to spell it out the first time)

Writing Numbers

2011-03-05T11:27:00.013+09:00

Q: HOW DO I WRITE NUMBERS?

Use numerals for numbers 10 or over, and spell the words for 1 to 9.

However, don't mix numerals and the words for them when talking about the same category or items. Choose a form and stick to it.

eg. Of the 20 students, only two failed the exam.
is incorrect.

Of the 20 students, only 2 failed the exam.
Of the twenty students, only two failed the exam.
Both are correct.

Source(s):

http://www.grammarbook.com/english_rules…

Use numbers (numerals) in these instances:

1. For all numbers 10 and above: "There were 17 students in class."

2. All numbers below 10 that are grouped in comparison to numbers 10 and above: "Ony 5 of 17 students passed the course."

3. When using numbers immediately before a unit of measure: "a 5-minute wait"

4. Numbers that represent statistical or mathematical functions or formulas: "a ratio of 12:1"

5. Numbers that represent time, dates, ages, sizes, scores, money, and points on a scale: "It happened 5 years ago"; "a roomful of 6-year-olds"; "$40."

6. Numbers that represent a place in a series: "week 7 of an 8-week diet"

7. In a list of four or more numbers: "We had 1, 2, 5, and 8 pieces, respectively"

For more complete information, you may wish to check the APA manual.

http://www.docstyles.com/apacrib.htm#Sec40

Writing Numbers

Reviewing the Rules

By Grace Fleming, About.com Guide

Why do so many people find it difficult to remember the rules for using numbers in formal writing? Probably because the rules seem a little fuzzy sometimes. So what can you do? It's no mystery: as with anything, read and study the rules several times, and it will all seem natural, eventually.

Writing Numbers One through Ten
Spell out numbers one through ten, as in this example:

My little brother ate four apples before dinner and became ill.
Why do parents always check to see if babies have ten toes?

Writing Numbers Above Ten Spell out numbers above ten, unless writing the number would involve using more than two words. For example:

I have sixty-three dead bugs in my collection.
My cousin has 207 bugs in his. (That would be three words, not counting "and.")
This site has given me a thousand helpful hints for my homework.
My grandmother is seventy-two today.
My little sister had about 4,763 measles on her face. (That would be four words.)

Always spell out numbers that begin sentences:

Four hundred and fifty people attended the birthday party.

However, you should try to avoid using long, clunky numbers at the beginning of a sentence:

There were 450 people at the party.

Dates, phone numbers, and time: Use numbers for dates:

My birthday is March 16.
He was born on Valentines Day, 1975.

And use numbers for phone numbers:

The phone number for the school is 800-555-6262
The international code for England is 44.

And use numbers for time if using a.m. or p.m.:

The alarm will sound at 7 p.m.
I make my bed at 7 a.m. each morning.

But spell out times when using "o'clock" or when the a.m. or p.m. are omitted:

The alarm will sound at seven o'clock.
I make my bed at seven each morning.

More handy tips here

10 Rules for Writing Numbers and Numerals

http://www.dailywritingtips.com/10-rules-for-writing-numbers-and-numerals/

PLEASE NOTE: THE ADVICE ABOVE DOES NOT APPLY TO RESUMES, CVs AND APPLICATION FORMS, WHERE IT IS BEST TO CONSERVE SPACE BY USING NUMERALS (1, 2, 10, 20, etc.)

Also, even in essays, you can use numerals for

Time (e.g. 1 a.m.)
$,¥
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Jesper

2011-01-18T11:50:00.000+09:00

I suggest you watch this video to see a great presenter delivery technical information in a clear and compelling way.
Thanks, Jesper and TEDxTokyo

TEDxTokyo - Jesper Koll - 05/15/10 - (English)

Kaplan Technichal Writing textbook

2011-01-05T18:38:00.000+09:00

Here is the primary textbook that Vince referred to when creating his lesson.

Kaplan Technical Writing

(found at http://bit.ly/KapTech; accessed 11/2010)