How to do peer review

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What is peer review?

"As a peer reviewer, your job is not to provide answers. You raise questions; the writer makes the choices. You act as a mirror, showing the writer how the draft looks to you and pointing our areas which need attention." - Sharon Williams

How to provide helpful feedback

• Read a draft all the way through before you begin to comment on it.
• Give yourself enough time to read and respond.
• Point out the strengths of the draft.
• When discussing areas that need improvement, be nice. Offer appropriate, constructive comments from a reader's point of view.
• Make comments text-specific, referring specifically to the writer's draft (NO "rubber stamps" such as "awkward" or "unclear" or "vague," which are too general to be helpful).
• Avoid turning the writer's paper into YOUR paper. 
• Don't overwhelm the writer with too much commentary. Stick to the major issues on the feedback form that are problematic.
• Make sure your suggestions are reasonable (i.e., don't suggest that they totally rewrite the paper because you didn't agree with the author's point of view or didn’t like the topic).
• If something appears too complicated to write in the commentary, just mention that you have something that you would like to talk to the writer about when you discuss the draft afterward.
• Before giving your written comments to the author, reread your comments to make sure they are clear and make sense.

(found at http://mwp01.mwp.hawaii.edu/resources/peer_review.htm; accessed 11/2010)

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What types of comments are constructive and helpful?

• Be respectful and considerate of the writer's feelings.
• Use "I" statements.
• Offer suggestions, not commands.
• Raise questions from a reader's point of view, points that may not have occurred to the writer.
• Phrase comments clearly and carefully so that the writer can easily understand what needs to be improved.
• Make sure comments are constructive and specific (not "This paper is confusing. It keeps saying the same things over and over again" but rather "It sounds like paragraph five makes the same point as paragraphs 2 and 3.").

(found at http://mwp01.mwp.hawaii.edu/resources/peer_review.htm; accessed 11/2010)

Form groups of three

Assign each member a letter (A, B, or C)

You have 25 mins to review and give comments on paper

In those 25 minutes, you should

• Read one paper (A, B, or C - not all three!)
• Write comments on the peer review sheet
• Share your comments with the author

Here are the steps:

1. Writer 1 gives each peer a copy of her paper (A gives her paper to B and C)
2. Peer reads the paper twice: first time for content (ideas), second time for style and usage (grammar): approximately 4 mins
3. Peers write comments on peer review sheet: approximately 2 mins
4. Peers review comments before sharing them (ensure they are logical, relevant, and easy to understand): approximately 1 min
5. Peers share comments with writers verbally one-by-one, then give writer their written comments: approximately 8 mins
6. Writer processes comments by asking peer for clarification and further advice on how to improve her paper: approximately 5 mins 

PEER REVIEW

Peer review lesson plan

• Print and bring four printed copies of your paper to our May 2 class
• You will exchange papers with your peers from different academic disciplines
• You will fill out the form below

Author________________________ Reviewer______________________ The goals of peer review are 1) to help improve your classmate's paper by pointing out strengths and weaknesses that may not be apparent to the author, and 2) to help improve editing skills. INSTRUCTIONS Read the paper(s) assigned to you twice, once to get an overview of the paper, and a second time to provide constructive criticism for the author to use when revising his/her paper. Answer the questions below.  STRUCTURE (30%) 1. Were the introduction, body paragraph, and conclusion adequate? If not, what is missing? 2. Was the material ordered in a way that was logical, clear, and easy to follow? Why or why not? Explain with details. CONTENT (30%) 3. Did the writer adequately summarize and discuss the topic? Why or why not? Explain with details. 4. Did the writer merely summarize existing data or publications?   WORD CHOICE (20%) 5. Are the words specific and accurate? Does the writer use strong action verbs whenever possible? Are the adjectives as descriptive as possible? Are the nouns specific, not general? Why or why not? Explain with details. GRAMMAR AND STYLE (20%) 6. Were there grammatical or spelling problems? Did the writer use active and passive voice appropriately? 7. Was the writer’s writing style clear, appealing, and full of energy? Why or why not? Explain with details.

Never use two words if one is enough

Never use two words if one is enough

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1. WORDINESS

Never use two words if one is enough.

Instead of "past experience," simply write "experience."

The verb "resigned" is a concise alternative for the phrase "left the firm".

• end result → result
• future plans → plans
  
   

If a sentence has more than 20 words without punctuation, or more than 40 words altogether, it may be excessively wordy. Consider re-phrasing the sentence, or breaking it into smaller sentences. People have very short attention spans; if too much information is presented all at once, the brain cannot properly process it.

While there are no strict rules about length of a sentence, if your clauses are longer than about 20 words, or if your entire sentence is longer than about 40 words, it may be too much for your reader to clearly understand. If the reader has to go back and re-read too many sentences, they may just give up reading... and possibly fall asleep.


 

S-V-O is the way to go!

Subject - Verb - Object (S-V-O) Sentences

1. I play football.
2. Max reads books.
3. We can speak English.
4. Sue is singing a nice song.
5. I like table tennis.

http://www.englisch-hilfen.de/en/grammar/satzstellung_1.htm

more tips here:

http://www.delicious.com/admissions/grammar

 

ALSO, WATCH FOR RUN-ON SENTENCES
 

When two independent clauses are joined by a co-ordinating conjunction (e.g. "and", "but", "or", "so"), there must be a comma before the conjunction or it will be a run-on sentence. Clearly identify the conjunction in the sentence with two independent clauses, and insert a comma before the conjunction.

Incorrect: Matthew went to the library and I headed back to the science lab.
The two clauses, “Matthew went to the library” and “I headed back to the science lab”, are independent; a comma should be inserted before “and”.

Incorrect: The wind was brisk but the sun was strong.
The two clauses, “the wind was brisk” and “the sun was strong”, are independent; there should be a comma before “but”.

Correct: The man’s business was failing, so he was searching for alternative income.
The two clauses, “the man’s business was failing” and “he was searching for alternative income”, are independent. The co-ordinating conjunction, “so” requires a comma before it.

How can I keep my subjects and verbs in agreement?

Many ESL writers struggle to keep their subjects and verbs in agreement. 

Here are some useful tips from Jane Strauss, author of "The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation".

Basic Rule.	The basic rule states that a singular subject takes a singular verb, while a plural subject takes a plural verb. NOTE: The trick is in knowing whether the subject is singular or plural. The next trick is recognizing a singular or plural verb.
	Hint: Verbs do not form their plurals by adding an s as nouns do. In order to determine which verb is singular and which one is plural, think of which verb you would use with he or she and which verb you would use with they.
	Example:	talks, talk Which one is the singular form? Which word would you use with he? We say, "He talks." Therefore, talks is singular. We say, "They talk." Therefore, talk is plural.

Rule 1. Two singular subjects connected by or or nor require a singular verb. Example: My aunt or my uncle is arriving by train today.

Rule 2. Two singular subjects connected by either/or or neither/nor require a singular verb as in Rule 1. Examples: Neither Juan nor Carmen is available. Either Kiana or Casey is helping today with stage decorations.

Rule 3. When I is one of the two subjects connected by either/or or neither/nor, put it second and follow it with the singular verb am. Example: Neither she nor I am going to the festival.

Rule 4. When a singular subject is connected by or or nor to a plural subject, put the plural subject last and use a plural verb. Example: The serving bowl or the plates go on that shelf.

Rule 5. When a singular and plural subject are connected by either/or or neither/nor, put the plural subject last and use a plural verb. Example: Neither Jenny nor the others are available.

Rule 6. As a general rule, use a plural verb with two or more subjects when they are connected by and. Example: A car and a bike are my means of transportation.

Rule 7. Sometimes the subject is separated from the verb by words such as along with, as well as, besides, or not. Ignore these expressions when determining whether to use a singular or plural verb. Examples: The politician, along with the newsmen, is expected shortly. Excitement, as well as nervousness, is the cause of her shaking.

Rule 8. The pronouns each, everyone, every one, everybody, anyone, anybody, someone, and somebody are singular and require singular verbs. Do not be misled by what follows of. Examples: Each of the girls sings well. Every one of the cakes is gone. NOTE: Everyone is one word when it means everybody. Every one is two words when the meaning is each one.

Rule 9. With words that indicate portions—percent, fraction, part, majority, some, all, none, remainder, and so forth —look at the noun in your of phrase (object of the preposition) to determine whether to use a singular or plural verb. If the object of the preposition is singular, use a singular verb. If the object of the preposition is plural, use a plural verb. Examples: Fifty percent of the pie has disappeared. Pie is the object of the preposition of. Fifty percent of the pies have disappeared. Pies is the object of the preposition. One-third of the city is unemployed. One-third of the people are unemployed. NOTE: Hyphenate all spelled-out fractions. All of the pie is gone. All of the pies are gone. Some of the pie is missing. Some of the pies are missing. None of the garbage was picked up. None of the sentences were punctuated correctly. Of all her books, none have sold as well as the first one.

Rule 10. The expression the number is followed by a singular verb while the expression a number is followed by a plural verb. Examples: The number of people we need to hire is thirteen. A number of people have written in about this subject.

Rule 11. When either and neither are subjects, they always take singular verbs. Examples: Neither of them is available to speak right now. Either of us is capable of doing the job.

Rule 12. The words here and there have generally been labeled as adverbs even though they indicate place. In sentences beginning with herethere, the subject follows the verb. or Examples: There are four hurdles to jump. There is a high hurdle to jump.

Rule 13. Use a singular verb with sums of money or periods of time. Examples: Ten dollars is a high price to pay. Five years is the maximum sentence for that offense.

Rule 14. Sometimes the pronoun who, that, or which is the subject of a verb in the middle of the sentence. The pronouns who, that, and which become singular or plural according to the noun directly in front of them. So, if that noun is singular, use a singular verb. If it is plural, use a plural verb. Examples: Salma is the scientist who writes/write the reports. The word in front of who is scientist, which is singular. Therefore, use the singular verb writes. He is one of the men who does/do the work. The word in front of who is men, which is plural. Therefore, use the plural verb do.

Rule 15. Collective nouns such as team and staff may be either singular or plural depending on their use in the sentence. Examples: The staff is in a meeting. Staff is acting as a unit here. The staff are in disagreement about the findings. The staff are acting as separate individuals in this example. The sentence would read even better as: The staff members are in disagreement about the findings.

(found at http://www.grammarbook.com/grammar/subjectVerbAgree.asp; accessed 2011/06)

Nine ways to improve email messages

My graduate engineering students at The University of Tokyo often ask me for tips on how to write email messages to overseas colleagues.

Here is a summary of my best tips, compiled from various public sources (scroll down for links and resources).

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1. Confirm your reason for writing

Before you write anything, ask yourself

• Why am I writing this email?
• What result do I expect? 

If you can’t succinctly state these answers, you might want to hold off on sending your message until you can. People get dozens, hundreds, even thousands of emails each day, so it’s only natural for them to gravitate toward the messages that are well thought-out and that clearly respect their time and attention. Careless emails do not invite careful responses.


Think through your email from the recipient’s point of view, and make sure you’ve done everything you can to try and help yourself before contacting someone else. If it’s a valuable message, treat it that way, and put in the time to making your words count.

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2. Write a precise subject line

Use a detailed subject line. Business executives often complain that email with subject lines that are vague or empty land in their junk mail folder. Avoid getting ignored by including a straightforward but thorough subject.



You can make it even easier for your recipient to immediately understand why you’ve sent them an email and to quickly determine what kind of response or action it requires. Compose a great “Subject:” line that hits the high points or summarizes the thrust of the message. Avoid “Hi,” “One more thing…,” or “FYI,” in favor of typing a short summary of the most important points in the message:

• Lunch rescheduled to Friday @ 1pm
• Reminder: Monday is "St. Bono’s Day"–no classes
• REQ: Resend Larry Tate zip file?
• HELP: Can you set up my printer?

In fact, if you’re relating just a single fact or asking one question in your email, consider using just the subject line to relate your message. In some organizations, such emails are identified by adding (EOM)—for end of message—at the end of the Subject line. This lets recipients see that the whole message is right there in the subject without clicking to the view the (non-existent) body. This is highly appreciated by people who receive a large volume of mail, since it lets them do a quick triage on your message without needing to conduct a full examination.



Sadly, good email subjects have become something of a lost art. It’s a pity, because you’re far more likely to get a favorable response from a busy person when they can quickly understand your message.

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3. Use a proper salutation

Q: While addressing the recipient, is it better to use Sir/Madam instead of Mr./Ms./Dr. followed by the name of the recipient?



Q: How should I write the title (Mr., Ms.) of recipients if I do not know his or her sex? Many non-English names are difficult to distinguish their gender just by their names.




Q: How can I write to a foreign company without knowing who is in charge of a certain section? In the Kaplan chapter 3, there is a part saying we should follow their customs of reading while writing for international audiences. But in general, which style should we follow when we are not sure whether the person we are writing to is a foreigner?






A: Say hello. Business email has become so informal that some people do not even begin with a salutation. Avoid this habit. Properly address the person you are writing and use a colon, rather than a comma. For example, "Dear Mr. Smith:" is a correct business opening. You can switch to a comma once back-and-forth correspondence is established.




A: Here are some useful phrases

• Dear Sir or Madam: (use if you don't know who you are writing to)
• Dear Personnel Director: (use if you only know someone's title but not his or her name)
• Dear Dr, Mr, Mrs, Miss or Ms Smith: (use if you know who you are writing to, and have a formal relationship with - VERY IMPORTANT use Ms for women unless asked to use Mrs or Miss)
• Dear Frank: (use if the person is a close business contact or friend)

Q: What is the proper way to introduce myself to you in this email for making questions concerning the contents of the class last week?


A: I am listing various ways students contacted me in order of preference (best first; try to avoid the last two)

• Dear Professor Ricci:
• Dear Mr. Ricci:
• Dear Mr. Vince Ricci:
• Dear Ricci sensei:
• Dear Mr. Vince:
• Dear Sir:

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4. Provide context - your reason for writing 

Q: How should I reference past communication?
A: Here are some useful phrases

• With reference to your advertisement in the Times...
• With reference to your letter of 23rd March...
• With reference to your phone call today...
• Thank you for your letter of March 5th.

Q: How should I state the purpose of my contact?


A: Here are some useful phrases

• I am writing to inquire about
• I am writing to apologize for
• I am writing to confirm

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5. Get what you need

There are three basic types of business email.

1. Providing information - “Larry Tate will be in the office Monday at 10.”
2. Requesting information - “Where did you put the ‘Larry Tate’ file?”
3. Requesting action - “Will you call Larry Tate’s admin to confirm our meeting on Monday?”

It should be clear to your recipient which type of email yours is; don’t bury the lede. Get the details and context packed into that first sentence or two whenever you can. Don’t be afraid to write an actual “topic sentence” that clarifies a) what this is about, and b) what response or action you require of the recipient.





Since the Larry Tate meeting on Monday has been moved from the Whale Room, could you please make sure the Fishbowl has been reserved and that the caterer has been notified of the location change? Please IM me today by 5pm Pacific Time to verify.





Assume that no one will ever read more than the first sentence of anything you write. Making that first sentence strong and clear is easily the best way to interest your recipient in the second sentence and beyond.



If your message includes any kind of request—whether for a meeting, a progress update, or what have you—put that request near the top of the message and clearly state when you will need it. Do not, under any circumstances, assume that your overwhelmed recipient will take the time to sift through your purple prose for clues about what they’re supposed to be doing for you.



Depending on the style of your team and the volume of mail they create, you might even consider adding functional text headers to the top of the body outlining the exact nature of the message.




This email is:

[ ] actionable

[ ] fyi

[ ] social





Response needed:

[ ] yes

[ ] up to you

[ ] no





Time-sensitive:

[ ] immediate

[ ] soon

[ ] none







Remove the guesswork from your messages by thinking of them like friendly work orders; you must not be afraid to ask for what you want, especially if you have any desire to actually have the recipient give it to you.



Q: How do I ask for what I need in a polite way?
A: Here are some useful phrases

• 
  Could you possibly...?
• 
  I would be grateful if you could...

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6. Manage expecatations

Q: How should I manage expectations of readers to understand that something bad has happened?


A: Here are some useful phrases

• 
  Unfortunately, 
• 
  I am afraid that...

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7. Attach documents

Q: How do I reference attachments?


A: Most people prefer that documents be sent as attachments, rather than copied and pasted into the body of the email.

• I am attaching...
• Please find attached...
• Attached you will find...

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8. Close appropriately

Q: How do I close my letter in a direct but polite way?


A:  Here are some useful phrases

• Thank you for your help. Please contact me if there are any problems.
• Thank you for your help. Please let me know if you have any questions.

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9. Sign-off politely

Q: How should I end my email?


A: Good sign-offs for academic and business correspondence

• Sincerely,
• Sincerely yours, (not: "Sincerely Yours," - as in a sentence, you only capitalize the first word)
• Best regards, (not: "Best Regards," - as in a sentence, you only capitalize the first word)
• Best,
• Thanks,

A: These sign-offs are too informal for academic and business correspondence (OK with friends, family) 

• Cheers,
• Love,
• Hugs,
• Later,

A: These sign-offs are polite, but best used in written letters, not email messages 

• Cordially,
• Yours truly,
• Yours,

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Compiled from various online sources including

• http://esl.about.com/cs/onthejobenglish/a/a_basbletter.htm; accessed 1/2011
  
• http://www.ehow.com/print/how_2075198_write-business-email.html; accessed 1/2011
  
• http://www.43folders.com/2005/09/19/writing-sensible-email-messages; accessed 1/2011
  
• http://www.divinecaroline.com/32/84091--best-salutations-what-s-proper-sign-off; accessed 1/2013
  

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Academic Writing Tips: Videos and Slides

5 Steps to better writing: Vince tips from University of Tokyo

Technical Writing Spring 2012

View more presentations from Vince.

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Here is a slidecast (PowerPoint plus voiceover) of Vince's lecture

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Here are the first 20 minutes of Vince’s Introduction to Technical Writing

Todai 2010_11_17

View more videos from VincePrep .

PLEASE NOTE: Vince could only upload the first 25 mins of the lecture video, but you can listen to the entire 90 minute audio here

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-Updated by Vince on 21 April 2012

• If you find these resources valuable, please kindly "like" Vince on Facebook
• Check Vince's writing links on Delicious 
• I invite you to follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/tokyovince 

Seven steps to academic writing success

THE ASSIGNMENT

Write a one page paper describing your current research to someone from a different academic discipline.

Include three sections

·       Introduction
·       Discussion
·       Conclusion

Target length: between 350-500 words

THE SEVEN STEPS

Step 1: Determine your main idea and contribution

·       Main idea - what is your paper about?
·       Contribution - how does your main idea add value to your field?


Step 2: Rewrite your topic sentences

·       The topic sentence is the first sentence in a paragraph.
·       It introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
·       If your topic sentences are not clear, then the rest of the paragraph most likely won’t have a specific focus or will be incoherent.
·       Ask yourself, "If someone only read my topic sentences, would he or she be able to understand my main idea and supporting arguments?
·       Rewrite your topic sentences so that they convey your main idea and supporting arguments.


Step 3: Rewrite your transitions

·       Transitions indicate the connections and relationships between your ideas and sentences.
·       Transitional words and phrases help you write clearly and coherently.
·       Moreover, transitions help the reader follow the text, stay focused, and understand how your sentences relate to one another.
·       Vague or imprecise transitions confuse readers.
·       Confirm that your transitions convey the correct relationships between your sentences.
·       Rewrite your transitions so that they best express the connections between your sentences.


Step 4: Rewrite passive voice sentences into active voice

·       Where possible, use the active voice. It is direct, brief, and easy to understand. For example, "The students tested the samples."
·       The passive voice places the emphasis on the action, rather than the actor.
·       A sentence is passive if the direct object is placed before the verb, which is given in the passive form. The subject, or actor, is usually not mentioned. For example, "The samples were tested."
·       Passive voice is used frequently in technical (and academic) writing, where the focus is usually on what was done rather than who did it. It is conventionally used to report experimental procedure and to avoid constant repetition of I or we throughout the report, paper or thesis.
·       Use passive voice for a specific purpose, not simply out of habit.
·       In order to use passive voice correctly, it is necessary to understand, and be able to recognize, the difference between passive and active voice.
·       Find and circle all examples of passive voice in your paper.
·       Do they fit one of these five reasons for using the passive voice?

a. The 'actor' is not known.
Oil was discovered off the coast of Australia.
The number of Internet users was estimated to be over one million.

b. The 'actor' is not important.
The report has been published.
The results will be presented at the conference.

c. It is considered desirable to conceal the identity of the 'actor'.
The results are invalid, as the correct testing procedure was not followed.         
Research funding will be cut next year.

d. An impersonal tone is needed for academic writing.
In this report, the stress fields in a C-shape plate will be analyzed.

An impersonal tone is also used for describing processes.
First, the raw materials are loaded into a container ...

e. A tactful tone is needed to smooth over an error or difficulty.
Example of passive voice: The samples were not checked at the second stage . . .
Example of active voice: We forgot to check the samples . . .

(found at  http://www.monash.edu.au/lls/llonline/grammar/engineering/passive/1.1.xml; accessed 2011/06)

·       Find all passive voice sentences that do not fit one of the five reasons.
·       Then, change them into active voice


Step 5: Rewrite articles

What is an article?

·       An article is an adjective. Like adjectives, articles modify nouns.
·       English has two articles: the and a/an.
·       the = definite article used to refer to specific or particular nouns
·       a/an = indefinite article used to modify non-specific or non-particular nouns; "A/an" is used to refer to a non-specific or non-particular member of the group
·       Find and circle all of the articles in your paper.
·       Can you tell which nouns require definite and indefinite articles, and which require no article at all?
·       Find and fix any mistakes in your use of articles.


Step 6: Peer review

·       "As a peer reviewer, your job is not to provide answers. You raise questions; the writer makes the choices. You act as a mirror, showing the writer how the draft looks to you and pointing our areas which need attention." - Sharon Williams
·      Read a draft all the way through before you begin to comment on it.
·      Give yourself enough time to read and respond.
·      Point out the strengths of the draft.
·      Be respectful and considerate of the writer's feelings.
·      Offer appropriate, constructive comments from a reader's point of view.
·      Make comments text-specific, referring specifically to the writer's draft (not "This paper is confusing. It keeps saying the same things over and over again" but rather "It sounds like paragraph five makes the same point as paragraphs 2 and 3.").
·      Before giving your written comments to the author, reread your comments to make sure they are clear and make sense.

(found at http://mwp01.mwp.hawaii.edu/resources/peer_review.htm; accessed 11/2010)


Step 7: Revise and polish

·      Follow steps 1 - 6 until you are confident that your paper represents your very best work

Homework for April 25 and May 2

We have five assignments.

You will:

1. read a sample
2. write your paper
3. improve your paper
4. share your paper with peers from another discipline
5. provide feedback

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FIRST ASSIGNMENT

Before April 25: read all three versions of the following writing sample 

1. original version
2. version 2, with Vince's comments, and 
3. final edited version

When reading, pay attention to

1. The opening sentence: Does it clearly state the author's contribution to his or her field? (see ppt slides and writing samples)
2. Topic sentences: Does the first sentence of each paragraph analyze and interpret your main argument? (see http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/03/topicsentences.html)
3. Transitions between paragraphs: Does the author connect her ideas in a way that helps the reader follow her ideas? Or does she simply use clever or stock phrases that have no connection to her ideas. (e.g. "On the other hand,..." when only one idea has been mentioned)
4. Active voice: Is each sentence written in active voice? If not, does the author have a good reason for using the passive voice? (see http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/04/passive-voice.html)
5. Articles: Is the author using "a / an" and "the" appropriately? (see http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/04/articles.html)

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Original version - technical writing sample

view on Google Docs ▸ http://j.mp/Todai_orig

“Information terminal for emergency using energy harvesting technology”

Introduction

Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year. When the power failure take places because of the disaster, a lot of people might check out information on the disaster by first using their cellular phones. However, when the battery is low and other batteries are not stocked unfortunately, either it is difficult to understand present own situation. In order to overcome such problem, some researchers have been proposed a power generator that harvesting energy from the human motion like shaking, rotating, etc., for charging the phones.

Energy harvesting from human body and information terminal

The adult male obtains 2000 kcal from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate. The rest of energy, 500 kcal, corresponds to 200 AA-size alkaline batteries. Therefore, if energy harvesting from the human motion can be changed into the electric power, it is possible to operate various devices. However, actually, a heavy exercise that pedals the bicycle for several hours is necessary to charge with the battery of the latest cellular phone full due to its variety of function. This means not only the power generator but also novel information terminal is indispensable for their purpose.

Here, I suggest the single-function device that displays information data received from digital broadcasting airwave. This device would consist of an e-paper, flash memories, tuner ICs, and a power generator. Since those electric components consumes only several hundreds of µW, the terminal could work with even small energy harvesting from body temperature or walking vibration. That is, it comes to obtain vital information easily only by wearing this terminal without regard to batteries.

Conclusion

The reliability of the cellular phone is low as the information terminal for the emergency due to battery problem. Because it is difficult to charge with the cellular phone with a manual dynamo, the development of new information device that consumes low power is necessary. My idea is the mobile device, which consists of low-power consumption components, can be worked with small energy harvesting from body temperature or waking vibration. The terminal works might be useful because important information could be obtained without the battery like crystal radio anytime and anywhere.

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Technical writing sample - version #2 (with Vince's comments)

view on Google Docs ▸ http://j.mp/Todai_comments

*Please note - comments may not be visible in all browsers.

Therefore, please ask your instructor for a hard (paper) copy prior to April 25

You can also try viewing this update (pasted below) ▸ http://j.mp/Vince_comments


“Information Terminal for Emergency Using Energy Harvesting Technology”  [TITLES: You should not use quotation marks when writing the title of your paper. Also, you should capitalize only the first word of the title. Write your title like this: Emergency information terminal using energy harvesting technology]


Introduction
[PARAGRAPH FORMATTING: Please remember to indent three to five spaces when starting a new paragraph. Alternatively, you can add an extra line (hit the "enter" or "return" key twice) between each new paragraph. Be sure to follow whichever style your professor, department, or publication prefers. If none is indicated, then just be sure to pick on style and use it consistently.]

Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year. [CONTRIBUTION: Most if not all of our readers will know that Japan is disaster-prone. Is that the point of your research? It seems that you are proposing devices that could be used anywhere. Therefore, I encourage you to start your paper with your main idea, which is now in your last paragraph, second to last sentence. Start your essay with a sentence like this: I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster. Please read my explanation in the FOOTNOTE] 

 When the a power failure take places because of the a disaster, a lot of people might check out information on the disaster by first using their cellular phones. However, when the battery is low and other batteries are not stocked unfortunately, either it is could be difficult to understand one's present own situation. In order to overcome such problem, some researchers have been proposed a power generator that harvesting energy from the human motion like shaking, rotating, etc., for charging the phones. [WORDY: I suggest you make this sentence more concise by cutting unnecessary words. You already identified some human motions (walking) earlier in this paragraph. Thus, I think you can delete these details without damaging your reader's ability to understand your idea. See my explanation and tips here: http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2012/04/wordy.html]

Energy harvesting from human body and information terminal [TOPIC SENTENCES: Is this phrase your section heading? If so, trying including the key words into your topic sentence. Please see the edited version for my suggested change. See my explanation and tips here: http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/03/topicsentences.html]

The adult male obtains 2000 kcal [ACRONYMS: Spell out the full term the first time, then abbreviate afterwards. See my explanation and tips here: http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/03/acronyms.html] from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate. The rest of energy, [AWKWARD: I suggest writing “The rest of the energy…” or, if you want to cut words and be more direct, “The remaining 500 kcal…”] 500 kcal, corresponds to 200 AA-size alkaline batteries. Therefore, if energy harvesting from the human motion can be changed into the electric power, it is possible to operate various devices. However, actually, [TRANSITIONS: You do not need to use two transitions. I suggest cutting "actually."] a [ARTICLES: You should delete this "a" because it is unnecessary. See my explanation and tips here: http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/04/articles.html] heavy exercise that pedals the bicycle for several hours is necessary [ACTIVE VOICE: You can write this sentence using active voice. Try identifying the ‘actor’ who would pedal the bicycle. You can use a general word like ‘user.’ Here is an example: A user would need to pedal a bicycle for several hours in order to charge the phone’s battery. See my explanation and tips here: http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/04/passive-voice.html] to charge with the battery of the latest cellular phone full due to its variety of function. This means not only the power generator but also novel information terminal is indispensable for their purpose.

Here, [TRANSITIONS: Where? "Here" is a weak transition that might confuse readers. Instead, I suggest using "Therefore," or "Thus…”] I suggest the a single-function device that displays information data received from digital broadcasting airwave. This device would consist of an e-paper, flash memories, tuner ICs, and a power generator. Since those electric components consumes only several hundreds of µW, the terminal could work with even small energy harvesting from body temperature or walking vibration. That is, it comes to obtain [ACTIVE VOICE: You can write this sentence using active voice. See my explanation and tips here: http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/04/passive-voice.html] vital information easily only by wearing this terminal without regard to batteries.

Conclusion

The reliability of the cellular phone is low as the an information terminal for the emergency emergencies due to battery problems. Because it is difficult to charge with the cellular phone with a manual dynamo, [AWKWARD: Your readers are unlikely to know this uncommon term. I suggest using "generator" instead.] the development of new information device that consumes low power is necessary. My idea is the mobile device, which consists of low-power consumption components, can be worked with small energy harvesting from body temperature or waking [PROOFREAD: Wrong word (you mean "walking" not "waking"). To catch this kind of error, be sure to proofread by reading aloud at full volume (slowly). Spell check would not catch this kind of mistake since "waking" is spelled correctly. See my explanation and tips here: http://www.vinceprep.com/essays/spellcheck-errors] vibration. [CONTRIBUTION: Start your essay with this phrase. This is your core contribution. See my explanation and tips here: http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2010/05/cochrane.html] The terminal works might be useful because important information could be obtained [ACTIVE VOICE: I suggest using active voice here. You can identify the subject as "people". Here is my suggested change: Using such a terminal would help people access critical information anytime and anywhere, even without a battery. See my explanation and tips here: http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/04/passive-voice.html] without the battery like crystal radio [CONCLUSIONS: It might be true that your device would function like a crystal radio, but I do not think you need to make such a comparison, especially not in the final sentence of your paper. Most readers probably do not know much about crystal radios, so the comparison adds little value to your argument.] anytime and anywhere. [This modifier is misplaced. I suggest you rewrite the sentence like this: Using such a terminal would help people access critical information anytime and anywhere, even without a battery.]

FOOTNOTE

How to determine the main idea and contribution of your paper

• Don’t start by describing your methods: “I analyzed mobile information terminals and found many issues related to power failures and natural disasters.” 
• Instead, focus on your main idea, like this: “A single-function emergency information terminal using energy harvesting technology would allow users to access important information during natural disasters. ”
• Distilling your main idea will take some thought and effort. 
• You might need to rewrite your paper several times. 
• You might also need to write your discussion section first. 
• After confirming the terminology and methods described in your discussion section, write your conclusion. 
• Then, determine your main idea.
• Once you decide your main idea, help readers to get it quickly by putting it in your introduction. 
• Your introduction should include the purpose of your research
• What specific question will you explore? How does it fit with previous research? 

Why you should start your paper with your main idea

• Your readers are busy and impatient. 
• Most of them will not read your entire paper from start to finish. 
• Instead, most readers will skim your text looking at topic sentences, key words, and headings in order to understand what you are talking about. 
• After they form their initial impressions, they might review each sentence to understand your logic and methods. 
• How can you catch and hold their attention during their initial skim? 
• First of all, be sure to include your main idea and contribution in your first paragraph.
• Most writers get this wrong. They do not tell us the contribution of their paper until the end of the paper. 
• Please do not make this mistake.

  (Modified from http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2010/05/cochrane.html; accessed 2012/04)

 

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Final, edited technical writing sample

view on Google Docs ▸ http://j.mp/Todai_edited

Emergency information terminal using energy harvesting technology

Department of Materials Engineering, The University of Tokyo

7-3-1 Hongo, Tokyo 113-8656, Japan

Introduction

I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster. My device would utilize low-power consumption components. Best of all, it could be charged by harvesting energy from body temperature or the vibrations produced by walking or other simple motions.

When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might use their cellular phones to access news and information. However, if their cellphone battery is low and they do not have spare batteries, they might not be able to access information. In order to overcome such a problem, some researchers have proposed charging phones by using a power generator that harvests energy from human motion.

Discussion

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If energy harvested from human motion could be converted into electric power, it would be possible to operate various devices. Humans produce enough energy to power portable disaster information terminals. In one day, the adult male obtains 2,000 kilocalories (kcal) from food; he uses 75% of this energy to maintain basic life functions including circulation and respiration. The remaining 500 kcal is roughly equivalent to the energy contained in 200 AA-size alkaline batteries. However, due to the intensive power consumption of modern “smart phones”, a user would need to pedal a bicycle for several hours in order to charge the phone’s battery. Such activity is not sustainable. Thus, alternative information terminals should be used instead of fully functional mobile phones.

I propose the creation of a single-function device to display information data received from digital broadcasting airwaves. This device would consist of e-paper, flash memory, tuners, and a power generator. Since those electrical components consume only several hundred µW, the terminal could obtain and distribute vital information powered by energy harvested from physical activity. Thus, users could utilize the information from this terminal even when traditional power sources are not available.

Conclusion

In closing, cellular phones are not reliable information terminals in the event of an emergency. One cannot rely on power terminals, and it would require too much effort to charge a full-feature cellular phone with a manual generator. Therefore, effort should be made to develop a new information device that consists of low-power consumption components that can be powered by harvesting energy from human body temperature or motion. Using such a terminal would help people access critical information anytime and anywhere, even without a battery.

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SECOND ASSIGNMENT

Based on the samples above, write a single one (A4) page proposal for a piece of writing in your field.


Answer the question: 

• What are you working on right now? (Explain your current research to someone from a different academic discipline.)

Include three sections

1. Introduction
2. Discussion
3. Conclusion 

• Target length: between 450-600 words

On May 2, you will share it with peers who are NOT in your field, so be sure to explain complex terms using simple words that anyone could understand.

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THIRD ASSIGNMENT

• Improve your writing based on Vince's April 25 lecture
• Please be to read and follow these tips 

 ▸ http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/search/label/editing

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FIVE WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR WRITING: HOMEWORK FOR MAY 2

 

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POINT ONE – CONTRIBUTION

What is a contribution?

·      A contribution includes an addition to your field’s overall knowledge.

o   For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”

It is the main idea of your paper, and the main purpose of your research.

It answers questions like:

·      What are you researching?

·      What are you trying to discover, prove, or create?

·      How do you plan to add value to your academic field?

How can I identify and express my contribution?

·      Figure out the one central and novel contribution of your paper.

·      Write this contribution down in your first sentence.

·      As with all your writing, this must be concrete.

o   Don’t write, “I analyzed mobile information terminals and found many issues related to power failures and natural disasters.”

o   Instead, explain what the central results are. For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”

·      Distilling your ideas into one central contribution will take some thought.

·      Once you do it, though, you’re in a much better position to focus the paper on that one contribution, and help readers to get it quickly.

·      Most writers do not tell us the contribution of their paper until the end of the paper.

·      This seems to be especially true in Japan, where writers are taught to put their main idea at the end of their papers (lines 61 – 63 on page 2).

·      Please do not make this mistake when writing in English (lines 140 – 141 on page 6).
(Modified from http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2010/05/cochrane.html; accessed 2012/04)

In class exercise

·      Find and circle your contribution. 

·      If you cannot find your contribution, or if it is spread out across several sentences, spend a moment crystalizing your ideas into one clear contribution sentence.

·      Then, draw an arrow to the top of the page. Your contribution goes at the top!

Homework #1: Reorganize and write your paper so that your contribution appears in the first sentence.

 

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POINT TWO – TOPIC SENTENCES

What is a topic sentence?

·       The topic sentence is the first sentence in a paragraph.

What does it do?

·       It introduces the main idea of the paragraph.

Why are topic sentences important?

1.     They give your paragraph focus.

a.      If your topic sentences are not clear, then the rest of the paragraph most likely won’t have a specific focus or will be incoherent.

2.     They help your readers.  

a.      Your readers are busy and impatient.

b.     They want to know your main idea first.

c.      They read the first sentence of every paragraph, looking for your main ideas.

d.     Then, they quickly review the other sentences.

e.      If someone only read your topic sentences, would he or she be able to understand your contribution and supporting ideas?

In class exercise

·       Circle the first sentence of each paragraph.

·       These are your topic sentences.

·       Read them all to yourself, one after the other (four or five total sentences).

·       Now, ask yourself this question:

o   If a reader only read my topic sentences, would he be able to understand my contribution and main ideas? 

Weak topic sentences from student’s original technical writing sample (page 2)

1.     Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year.

2.     The adult male obtains 2000 kcal from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate.

3.     Here, I suggest the single-function device that displays information data received from digital broadcasting airwave.

4.     The reliability of the cellular phone is low as the information terminal for the emergency due to battery problem.

Re-written and improved topic sentences from technical writing sample (page 6)

1.     I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.

2.     When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might want to use their cellular phones to access news and information.

3.     If energy harvested from human motion could be converted into electric power, it would be possible to operate various devices.

4.     I propose the creation of a single-function device to display information data received from digital broadcasting airwaves.

5.     In closing, cellular phones are not reliable information terminals in the event of an emergency.

Homework #2: Re-write your topic sentences so that they best express your contribution and main ideas. 

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POINT THREE – TRANSITIONS

What is a transition?

·       Transitions indicate the connections and relationships between your ideas and sentences.

In class exercise

·       Find and underline the transitions in technical writing sample - version #3 (final, edited, on page 6).

Why are transitions important?

·       Transitional words and phrases help you write clearly and coherently. Moreover, such transitions help the reader follow the text, stay focused, and understand how your main ideas are related to one another.

Why are transitions dangerous?

·       Improper transitions can confuse readers. For instance, the use of the transition "Here, …" (see line 52 on page 2) in the sample is not correct because it indicates direction, but that is not the author's intention. This choice confuses the reader. Better to use a transition that indicates consequence, such as "Therefore,” or “Thus,”.

Which transitions should I use?

·       The following list illustrates categories of "relationships" between ideas, followed by words and phrases that can make the connections:

1.      Addition: also, again, as well as, besides, furthermore, in addition, likewise, moreover, similarly

2.      Consequence: accordingly, as a result, consequently, for this reason, for this purpose, hence, otherwise, subsequently, therefore, thus

3.      Contrast and Comparison: conversely, instead, likewise, on one hand/on the other hand, on the contrary, rather, similarly, yet, but, however, still, nevertheless, in contrast

4.      Emphasis: above all, chiefly, especially, particularly, singularly

5.      Exemplifying: chiefly, especially, for instance, in particular, markedly, namely, particularly, including, specifically, such as

6.      Illustration: for example, for instance, as an example, in this case

7.      Sequence: at first, first of all, to begin with, in the first place, at the same time, for now, for the time being, the next step, in time, in turn, later on, meanwhile, next, then, soon, the meantime, later, while, earlier, simultaneously, afterward, in conclusion, with this in mind

8.      Similarity: comparatively, correspondingly, likewise, moreover

9.      Summarizing: after all, all in all, all things considered, briefly, by and large, in any case, in any event, in brief, in conclusion, on the whole, in short, in summary, in the final analysis, in the long run, on balance, to sum up, to summarize, finally

Which transitions should I NOT use?

·       Try to avoid “restatement” transitions in formal writing. Rather than writing phrases like “in other words,” “that is to say,” or “to put it differently,” try improving your writing so you can express yourself effectively in the first place. 

o   Exception: you might want to use transitions like “in other words” in TOEFL writing, since you might get extra “points” for additional content (longer is better as long as quality is high). Since you are unlikely to have time to edit your TOEFL writing, restating your key ideas using phrases like “in other words” might help your reader / grader understand your main idea. By contrast, when submitting papers for publication (or to your professor), you have to time to proofread and edit. Therefore, take time to produce clear, concise writing when submitting papers for a grade and/or publication.

In class exercise

·       Find and circle the transitions in your paper.

·       Ask yourself, "Do my transitions express the connections between my ideas?"

·       Are my transitions misleading in any way?

Homework #3: Re-write your transitions so that they best express the connections between your ideas.

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POINT FOUR – ACTIVE VOICE

 

Example of active voice

Part of speech	Subject	Verb	Object
Sentence	The group	will present	the report	next week.

Example of passive voice

Part of speech	Subject	Verb	Object
Sentence	The report	will be presented	by the group	next week.

(found at http://www.monash.edu.au/lls/llonline/grammar/engineering/passive/2.xml; accessed 2011/06)

What is active voice?

·       The subject does the action? Let’s define it together.

How can you tell if a sentence is active?

·       Ask yourself, "Who/What does the action?" If the answer is clear, the sentence is active.

o   Example: The students tested the samples.

o   Example: The samples failed.

Why use active voice?

·       Where possible, use the active voice. It is direct, brief, and easy to understand.

What is passive voice?

·       The passive voice places the emphasis on the action, rather than the actor. Let’s discuss.  

How can you tell if a sentence is passive?

·       The direct object is placed before the verb, which is given in the passive form. The subject, or actor, is usually not mentioned.

o   Example: The samples were tested.

Why use passive voice?

·       Passive voice is used frequently in technical (and academic) writing, where the focus is usually on what was done rather than who did it. It is conventionally used to report experimental procedure and to avoid constant repetition of I or we throughout the report, paper or thesis.

·       Use passive voice for a specific purpose, not simply out of habit.

·       In order to use passive voice correctly, it is necessary to understand, and be able to recognize, the difference between passive and active voice.

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In class exercise

·       Find and circle all examples of passive voice in your paper.

·       Do they fit one of the five reasons below?

 

Five reasons for using the passive voice

 

1. The 'actor' is not known.

·       Oil was discovered off the coast of Australia.

·       The number of Internet users was estimated to be over one million.

2. The 'actor' is not important.

·       The report has been published.

·       The results will be presented at the conference.

3. It is considered desirable to conceal the identity of the 'actor'.

·       The results are invalid, as the correct testing procedure was not followed.          

·       Research funding will be cut next year.

4. An impersonal tone is needed for academic writing.

·       In this report, the stress fields in a C-shape plate will be analyzed.

An impersonal tone is also used for describing processes.

·       First, the raw materials are loaded into a container ...

5. A tactful tone is needed to smooth over an error or difficulty.

Compare these two examples.

·       Example of passive voice: The samples were not checked at the second stage . . .

·       Example of active voice: We forgot to check the samples . . .

(found at  http://www.monash.edu.au/lls/llonline/grammar/engineering/passive/1.1.xml; accessed 2011/06)

Homework #4: Find all passive voice sentences that do not fit one of the five reasons. Then, change them into active voice 

 

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POINT FIVE – ARTICLES

What is an article?

·       Basically, an article is an adjective. Like adjectives, articles modify nouns.

English has two articles: the and a/an.

·       the = definite article used to refer to specific or particular nouns

·       a/an = indefinite article used to modify non-specific or non-particular nouns; "A/an" is used to refer to a non-specific or non-particular member of the group

o   For example, if I say, "Let's read the book," I mean a specific book. If I say, "Let's read a book," I mean any book (a non-particular book) rather than a specific book.

Omission of Articles

Not all nouns need articles. Some common types of nouns that don't take an article are:

• Names of languages and nationalities: Chinese, English, Spanish, Russian (unless you are referring to the population of the nation in general: "The Spanish are known for their warm hospitality.")
• Names of academic subjects: mathematics, biology, history, computer science

In class exercise

·       Find and circle all of the articles in your paper.

·       Can you tell which nouns require definite and indefinite articles, and which require no article at all?

Homework #5 – Find and fix any mistakes in your use of articles. 

In addition to MS Word spell check, you might try Vince's "Google that stuff" (GTS) method.

1.     Put your article phrase in quotation marks and search Google (.com English version, not co.jp).

·       Example: "the veracity of a theory" (I could not find any instances of "a veracity of a theory." Therefore, this phrase always uses the definitive article ("the")

2.     If professionally edited sites (not personal blogs) use the phrase as you have written it, then your articles are probably correct.

3.     On the other hand, if you only find a few examples, or none at all, then you should probably use a different article, or none at all.

Try Vince's GTS method with the following phrases:

Can you find any indefinite article phrases for the following? (I could not.)

·       "The Data Encryption Standard"

·       "the Earth's crust"

·       "the opposite polarity"

·       "the power of reasoning"

·       "the Secure Sockets Layer"

·       "the theory of relativity"

I found instances of both definite and indefinite articles for the following phrases:

·       "a carbon footprint" and "the carbon footprint" (e.g. of The carbon footprint an iPhone)

·       "a symbiotic relationship” and. "the symbiotic relationship" (e.g. The symbiotic relationship between humans and domesticated animals)

·       "an outlier from the data" and "the outlier from the data" (e.g. How does removing the outlier from the data affect the mean and the median?)

Vince's final observation: I believe the process of learning English articles is somewhat similar to the process of learning Japanese counter words (josūshi 助数詞), which are used along with numbers to count things, actions, and events. Someone learning Japanese simply needs to memorize the proper use of these unique grammatical structures. Perhaps English articles are similar in this regard. Therefore, if you read (and write) English every day, you will eventually develop instincts to differentiate definite and indefinite articles.

PEER REVIEW

Peer review lesson plan for May 2

• Print and bring four printed copies of your paper to our May 2 class
• You will exchange papers with your peers from different academic disciplines
• You will fill out the form below

Author________________________ Reviewer______________________ The goals of peer review are 1) to help improve your classmate's paper by pointing out strengths and weaknesses that may not be apparent to the author, and 2) to help improve editing skills. INSTRUCTIONS Read the paper(s) assigned to you twice, once to get an overview of the paper, and a second time to provide constructive criticism for the author to use when revising his/her paper. Answer the questions below.  STRUCTURE (30%) 1. Were the introduction, body paragraph, and conclusion adequate? If not, what is missing? 2. Was the material ordered in a way that was logical, clear, and easy to follow? Why or why not? Explain with details. CONTENT (30%) 3. Did the writer adequately summarize and discuss the topic? Why or why not? Explain with details. 4. Did the writer merely summarize existing data or publications?   WORD CHOICE (20%) 5. Are the words specific and accurate? Does the writer use strong action verbs whenever possible? Are the adjectives as descriptive as possible? Are the nouns specific, not general? Why or why not? Explain with details. GRAMMAR AND STYLE (20%) 6. Were there grammatical or spelling problems? Did the writer use active and passive voice appropriately? 7. Was the writer’s writing style clear, appealing, and full of energy? Why or why not? Explain with details.

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What is peer review?

"As a peer reviewer, your job is not to provide answers. You raise questions; the writer makes the choices. You act as a mirror, showing the writer how the draft looks to you and pointing our areas which need attention." - Sharon Williams

How to provide helpful feedback

• Read a draft all the way through before you begin to comment on it.
• Give yourself enough time to read and respond.
• Point out the strengths of the draft.
• When discussing areas that need improvement, be nice. Offer appropriate, constructive comments from a reader's point of view.
• Make comments text-specific, referring specifically to the writer's draft (NO "rubber stamps" such as "awkward" or "unclear" or "vague," which are too general to be helpful).
• Avoid turning the writer's paper into YOUR paper. 
• Don't overwhelm the writer with too much commentary. Stick to the major issues on the feedback form that are problematic.
• Make sure your suggestions are reasonable (i.e., don't suggest that they totally rewrite the paper because you didn't agree with the author's point of view or didn’t like the topic).
• If something appears too complicated to write in the commentary, just mention that you have something that you would like to talk to the writer about when you discuss the draft afterward.
• Before giving your written comments to the author, reread your comments to make sure they are clear and make sense.

(found at http://mwp01.mwp.hawaii.edu/resources/peer_review.htm; accessed 11/2010)

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What types of comments are constructive and helpful?

• Be respectful and considerate of the writer's feelings.
• Use "I" statements.
• Offer suggestions, not commands.
• Raise questions from a reader's point of view, points that may not have occurred to the writer.
• Phrase comments clearly and carefully so that the writer can easily understand what needs to be improved.
• Make sure comments are constructive and specific (not "This paper is confusing. It keeps saying the same things over and over again" but rather "It sounds like paragraph five makes the same point as paragraphs 2 and 3.").

(found at http://mwp01.mwp.hawaii.edu/resources/peer_review.htm; accessed 11/2010)

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