Friday, February 10, 2023

"Show, don't tell" or rather, "Show AND tell" – Good Writing's Golden Rule

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. —Anton Chekhov

Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon. —Sol Stein

Instead of writing, 'I was frightened,' describe your fear in detail. 'My heart was racing. I could barely breathe and found myself unable to speak.' Charlie Badenhop



An old journalistic maxim, “Show, don’t tell,” demands that writers show their actions to express an event or story and not just offer the results of what happened.
  • To "show" means to demonstrate.
  • To "tell" means to assert.
Watch this video to SEE the difference. 
(if the link above does not work, please try this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syoSgZ8M8s4&t=3668s)

Now, go back to your essay. Instead of abstract words, try using words that will appear in the mind's eye of your readers as images. 

For example, we may say, "He is sloppy." This is telling. Instead, if you say, "His shoelaces are untied, his socks are mismatched, his shirt untucked, and his face unwashed." This is showing.

To truly convince your readers, make sure to show with details exactly what you mean. Save your assertions for the topic and controlling sentences.

You can't tell us someone is a wonderful person, a talented musician, or a spoiled child. We won't believe you. You must show us.

Please add details so readers can imagine and care about your story. 

Please watch this short video to learn HOW to add details to your essays. 
(If the link above does not work, please try this one

Finally, please read this example. 

TELL
“I arrived at ABC Bank and took on a great deal of responsibility in corporate lending. I managed diverse clients in my first year and earned the recognition of my manager. Because of my hard work, initiative, and leadership, he placed me on the management track, and I knew that I would be a success in this challenging position.”

In the two sentences above, the reader is told that the applicant “took on a great deal of responsibility,” “managed diverse clients,” and “earned recognition,” none of which is substantiated via the story. Further, there is no evidence of “hard work, initiative, and leadership.”

SHOW 
“Almost immediately after joining ABC bank, I took a risk in asking management for the accounts left by a recently transferred manager. Soon, I expanded our lending relationships with a children’s clothing retailer, a metal recycler, and a food distributor, making decisions on loans of up to $1M. Although I had a commercial banking background, I sought the mentorship of our District Manager and studied aggressively for the CFA (before and after fourteen-hour days); I was encouraged when the Lending Officer cited my initiative and desire to learn, placing me on our management track….”

In the example above, the story shows the “great deal of responsibility” (client coverage/ $1M lending decisions) and “diverse clients” (a children’s clothing retailer, a metal recycler, and a food distributor). Further, “hard work, initiative, and leadership” are clear throughout.

The latter is a more interesting, rich, and humble paragraph that is more likely to captivate the reader. By showing your actions in detail, the same conclusions are drawn, but facts facilitate them. Essentially, facts become your evidence!

(found at http://www.mbamission.com/blog/2010/11/22/monday-morning-essay-tip-show-dont-tell-2/; accessed 2010/11)

More tips here

When should I use numerals (1, 2, 3) instead of words (one, two, three)?

PLEASE NOTE: USE THESE TIPS FOR ESSAYS. THIS ADVICE DOES NOT APPLY TO RESUMES, CVs, AND APPLICATION FORMS, WHERE IT IS BEST TO CONSERVE SPACE BY USING NUMERALS (1, 2, 10, 20, etc.)

Also, even in essays, you can use numerals for time (e.g., 1 a.m.), $,¥,%

Q: HOW DO I WRITE NUMBERS?
Use numerals for numbers 10 or over, and spell the words for 1 to 9.
However, don't mix numerals and the words for them when talking about the same category of items. Choose a form and stick to it.
e.g., Of the 20 students, only two failed the exam.
Is incorrect.

Of the 20 students, only 2 failed the exam.
Of the twenty students, only two failed the exam.
Both are correct.

Use numbers (numerals) in these instances:
1. For all numbers 10 and above: "There were 17 students in class."
2. All numbers below 10 are grouped in comparison to numbers 10 and above: "Ony 5 of 17 students passed the course."
3. When using numbers immediately before a unit of measure: "a 5-minute wait."
4. Numbers that represent statistical or mathematical functions or formulas: "a ratio of 12:1."
5. Numbers that represent time, dates, ages, sizes, scores, money, and points on a scale: "It happened 5 years ago"; "a roomful of 6-year-olds"; "$40."
6. Numbers represent a place in a series: "week 7 of an 8-week diet."
7. In a list of four or more numbers: "We had 1, 2, 5, and 8 pieces, respectively."
For complete information, you may wish to check the APA manual.

Writing Numbers
Reviewing the Rules
By Grace Fleming, About.com Guide
Why do so many people find it difficult to remember the rules for using numbers in formal writing? Probably because the rules seem a little fuzzy sometimes. So what can you do? It's no mystery: as with anything, read and study the rules several times, and it will all seem natural, eventually.

Writing Numbers One through Ten
Spell out numbers one through ten, as in this example:

My little brother ate four apples before dinner and became ill.
Why do parents always check to see if babies have ten toes? Writing Numbers Above Ten Spell out numbers above ten, unless writing the number would involve using more than two words. For example:

I have sixty-three dead bugs in my collection.
My cousin has 207 bugs in his. (That would be three words, not counting "and.")
This site has given me a thousand helpful hints for my homework.
My grandmother is seventy-two today.
My little sister had about 4,763 measles on her face. (That would be four words.)
Always spell out numbers that begin sentences:

Four hundred and fifty people attended the birthday party.
However, you should try to avoid using long, clunky numbers at the beginning of a sentence:

There were 450 people at the party.
Dates, phone numbers, and time: Use numbers for dates:

My birthday is March 16.
He was born on Valentine's Day, 1975. And use numbers for phone numbers:

The phone number for the school is 800-555-6262
The international code for England is 44. And use numbers for time if using a.m. or p.m.:

The alarm will sound at 7 p.m.
I make my bed at 7 a.m. each morning. But spell out times when using "o'clock" or when the a.m. or p.m. are omitted:

The alarm will sound at seven o'clock.
I make my bed at seven each morning.

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