How can I make my writing more concise?

MY ESSAY IS TOO LONG. HOW DO I CUT WORDS?

• Read your essay aloud at full volume (doing so forces you to go slow).
• After each word or phrase, ask yourself, "If I cut this, will my meaning change?"
• If the answer is "no", then cut it!

More tips here, including this activity from the Purdue Online Writing Lab (OWL), which is a fantastic resource for writers.  

Conciseness

Summary: This resource will help you write clearly by eliminating unnecessary words and rearranging your phrases.

Contributors: Ryan Weber, Nick Hurm
Last Edited: 2010-04-17 05:34:19

The goal of concise writing is to use the most effective words. Concise writing does not always have the fewest words, but it always uses the strongest ones. Writers often fill sentences with weak or unnecessary words that can be deleted or replaced. Words and phrases should be deliberately chosen for the work they are doing. Like bad employees, words that don't accomplish enough should be fired. When only the most effective words remain, writing will be far more concise and readable.

This resource contains general conciseness tips followed by very specific strategies for pruning sentences.

1. Replace several vague words with more powerful and specific words.

Often, writers use several small and ambiguous words to express a concept, wasting energy expressing ideas better relayed through fewer specific words. As a general rule, more specific words lead to more concise writing. Because of the variety of nouns, verbs, and adjectives, most things have a closely corresponding description. Brainstorming or searching a thesaurus can lead to the word best suited for a specific instance. Notice that the examples below actually convey more as they drop in word count.

Wordy: The politician talked about several of the merits of after-school programs in his speech (14 words)

Concise: The politician touted after-school programs in his speech. (8 words)

Wordy: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her. (14 words)

Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her. (6 words)

Wordy: Our website has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist. (20 words)

Concise: Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist. (9 words)

Wordy: Working as a pupil under a someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me learn a lot. (20 words)

Concise: Working as a photo technician's apprentice was an educational experience. (10 words)

2. Interrogate every word in a sentence

Check every word to make sure that it is providing something important and unique to a sentence. If words are dead weight, they can be deleted or replaced. Other sections in this handout cover this concept more specifically, but there are some general examples below containing sentences with words that could be cut.

Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class. (22 words)

Concise: The teacher demonstrated methods for cutting words from my essay. (10 words)

Wordy: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band of musicians together in 1969, giving it the ironic name of Blind Faith because early speculation that was spreading everywhere about the band suggested that the new musical group would be good enough to rival the earlier bands that both men had been in, Cream and Traffic, which people had really liked and had been very popular. (66 words)

Concise: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band in 1969, ironically naming it Blind Faith because speculation suggested that the group would rival the musicians’ previous popular bands, Cream and Traffic. (32 words)

Wordy: Many have made the wise observation that when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline that that moving stone is not as likely to be covered all over with the kind of thick green moss that grows on stationary unmoving things and becomes a nuisance and suggests that those things haven’t moved in a long time and probably won’t move any time soon. (67 words)

Concise: A rolling stone gathers no moss. (6 words)

3. Combine Sentences.

Some information does not require a full sentence, and can easily be inserted into another sentence without losing any of its value. To get more strategies for sentence combining, see the handout on Sentence Variety.

Wordy: Ludwig's castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his death, he had commissioned three castles. (18 words)

Concise: Ludwig's three castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. (11 words)

Wordy: The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. This crash is rumored to have occurred in 1947. (24 words)

Concise: The supposed 1947 crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. (16 words)


(found at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/01/; accessed 11/2010)

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Ellen Lupton Writing tips from "Design is Storytelling"

Ellen Lupton Writing tips from "Design is Storytelling"

❶ Wait. I’m scared. I have writer’s block.

• Instead of struggling to compose a brilliant for sentence, list the main points you want to make. Don’t worry about the order.
• Go back and group your points into sections. A pitch or presentation should have three to five main sections.
• If making a list feels too linear, create a word map instead. Write your main idea in a bubble in the middle of a sheet of paper. Draw more bubbles with more points.
• Research. Gathering evidence will help you create compelling content. It will also help you defeat writer’s block.

❷ I have notes and a general plan. Now what?

• Start writing in a relaxed, conversational way. Focus on the content, not the words, as if you were speaking to someone. Later, you can improve the writing style.
• As you write, focus on being clear, not clever. Focus on the ideas and information that you want other people to absorb. If your sentences have more secret staircases than a Victorian mansion, it’s time to clean house.
• A metaphor can be your best friend or a backstabbing enemy. Use metaphors to clarify and illuminate concepts, not to create flowery prose.

❸ My text is clear but it’s deadly dull.

• Generate intrigue by questioning assumptions. Make readers curious with phrases such as, “You may have learned in school that… “ or “One of the biggest mistakes in our industry is… “
• Introduce counter-arguments. Anticipate objections and address them.
• Imagine writing an FAQ for your product or idea. What will confuse a new user? Posing questions and then answering them keeps people interested.
• Read your text out loud and listen for repetition and clunky phrases. If you think you are being boring, your audience will, too.
• When you are almost finished, make an outline of what you have done. For example, if you are producing a slide deck, write down the main headings. Are they parallel? Did they tell a clear story? We working the headings can help you restructure your material.

— adapted from Design is Storytelling — Ellen Lupton p. 155–

https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/34696391-design-is-storytelling

Mr. X / he

IN ESSAYS

Where the subject of the previous sentence was something other than the subject of the current sentence, use the full form of the subject (here, “Mr. X”) instead of a pronoun (“he”), since the pronoun will seem as if it refers to the subject of the previous sentence (here, "many people”).

IN LoRs
Your recommender only needs to use your first and last name (Mr. Vince Ricci) once, at the very beginning of the letter, the first time he refers to you. Thereafter, he can refer you to as Mr. Ricci, or Vince. 

Differentiate, or die!

Never write something that someone else could write.

Too often, clients in their essays with something like, This will allow me to achieve my long-term goal.

Why do you even assume that the reader remembers your long-term goal? That was pages ago :) Seriously, use every single opportunity to remind busy readers of what you are trying to achieve and why you care about it. 

Like all humans, admissions office readers learn through repetition. Learn how to say the same thing in a different way. Paraphrase your specific goals. Never use a generic phrase like "my short-term goal" or "my long-term goal." Just because that phrase appears in the question you don't need to repeat it in your essay. You have specific goals. Remind them what your specific goals are at every opportunity. 

Show them the money

One of the hardest things from my Japanese clients to understand is that American people want to hear a hopeful story. It's okay to talk about Japan lagging behind in this area or that area when trying to convince your company to sponsor your MBA or when applying for a Fulbright scholarship or a similar grant. However, when writing for or speaking with admissions officers, tell them a story about the opportunity that you hope to capture.

Include first and last names when mentioning alumni in your essay

Include first and last names when mentioning alumni in your essay

Tip: Always refer to current students or alumni by their full name and year of graduation. 

Reason: Sometimes, admissions office readers only know someone's first name.

IN ESSAYS

• Student names: Always refer to current students or alumni by their full name. Sometimes, adcom readers only know someone's first name, especially at schools like Kellogg and Tuck. Write like this: Vince Ricci (MBA '15)
• School name: similarly, in your goals essay, the first time you write a school's name, spell it out officially as the school does e.g. The Kellogg School of Management. Afterward, you can just call it Kellogg.

IN LETTERS of RECOMMENDATION

• The first time your recommender mentions you, he should write your full name, like this: "I first met Mr. Vince Ricci in 2002." Afterward, he can refer to you as just Mr. Ricci (or Vince if a peer / casual recommender)
• I am writing to you with regard to [Mr./Ms. Full Name], who has requested that I write a letter of recommendation on [his/her] behalf.

Mr vs Mr.

• In British English, abbreviated titles that end with the same letter as the word being abbreviated do not take a full stop (period): “Mr” but “Prof.”
• On the other hand, in American English, all titles take a period: “Mr.” and “Prof.”
• Either way, be sure to add a space after Mr or Mr.

Too many clients write Mr.Smith, which is always incorrect in both US and UK English.

How to markup an essay

Q: What do these editing colors and symbols mean?
A: I often use the following highlight colors to indicate certain writing issues


ORANGE = wdy = wordy, verbose

• wordy: too many words express a desired thought or concept; try to shorten or condense the phrasing or simply omit unnecessary words; also repetitive and/or run-on sentences 
• Please read these tips to make your writing concise and powerful   http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2012/04/wordy.html

YELLOW = grammar issues, including misplaced modifiers, usage, spelling, articles, agreement, capitalization

• agr = agreement, either subject/verb or pronoun/antecedent 
• art = articles: Should I use an indefinite article (a/an) or a definite article (the)? http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/04/articles.html
• cs = comma splice 
• dm = dangling modifier 
• frag = [sentence] fragment, incomplete sentence: There is part of a sentence, but not enough to make a complete one. 
• cap = capitalize, use uppercase letters (please read this post  http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/03/acronyms.html) 
• lc = use lowercase letter (please read this post  http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/03/acronyms.html)  
• no = number: A number is used incorrectly in text. A common error is beginning a sentence with a number in numerical form. Although sentences may begin with numbers in spelled-out form, numbers in numerical form are not used to begin sentences. The second most common error is failing to spell out numbers less than ten. (http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/03/writingnumbers.html)
• sp = spelling error or "spell out": This signal indicates a spelling mistake, a typographical error, the improper use of an abbreviation instead of the complete word or words, or the failure to spell out numbers less than ten. 
• spchk = use spellcheck (Please learn to avoid these common spelling and grammar errors (not picked up by spell checkers) http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2013/09/common-spelling-and-grammar-errors-not.html
• v = verb form or forms are incorrect. The most common error of this type is disagreement between the number of the subject of the sentence and the number of the verb ("she see" or "they talks"). Another common problem occurs in series of nouns with "and" or "or;" in "or" series the number of the verb should agree with the noun that is closest to the verb in the sentence. Correct: "A lapse, an error, or omissions in text make it difficult to read." (In this sentence, the plural verb form "make" is correct because the plural noun "omissions" is closest to the verb.) 
• ww = wrong word 
• tr = transpose letters or words 
• # = add space 

GREEN = vague, illogical, imprecise or misleading

• Vague: add prepositional phrases and details to fix the context and define the issues 
• va = vague: A paragraph, sentence, clause, phrase, or word is vague, nonspecific, imprecise, or misleading. The most common error is failure to include short prepositional phrases that tie things down. Vague (depending on context): "The court refused to decide the issue." Precise: "The court refused to decide the issue of proximate cause." 
• Solution: show, don't tell (http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/03/sdt.html) 
• This... what? Professor John Cochrane at The University of Chicago Booth School of Business says, you should clothe the naked “this.” “This” should always have something following it. “This example shows that....” is fine. More generally, this rule helps you to avoid an unclear antecedent to the “this.” Often there are three or more things in recent memory that “this” could point to. http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2014/07/this-what.html

BLUE = logic or transition issues

• not believable, not credible (esp. in recommendation letters)
• The greatest mistake that I see applicants make when drafting bullet points for letters of recommendation: they cross the credibility line by referencing information the recommender is unlikely to know. Recommenders can only mention what you said and did, not what you thought and felt. How can a recommender know your inner motivations unless you told him? And even if you told him, why would he feel the need to mention such information in a letter of recommendation? Bottom line: He should discuss what you said (add real dialogue) and did (actions and results) instead of what you thought or felt. 
• trans = transition problem: A transition between paragraphs, arguments, or sections of the writing is nonexistent, abrupt, weak, lame or misleading. Think about the logical relationship between the parts that need connecting and try to write a smooth and helpful transition. Good transitions are based upon ideas and their logical relationship, not just clever or stock phrases. 
• Please read these tips to improve your transitions  http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2012/04/transitions.html  

PINK = awkward or passive

• awkward phrasing, although not grammatically incorrect. Most common: words with slightly inapposite meaning, too many words to express a particular concept, or awkward (but not technically incorrect) grammatical construction 
• pv = passive voice: Passive constructions ("the case was decided" or "it was determined that...") are grammatically correct but weak and often confusing. They are useful only when the subject of the verb is unknown or indefinite or the writer wishes to conceal the subject.
• Otherwise, passive voice—particularly if used repeatedly—is a sign of wooden and heavy writing. 
• Solution: There are five reasons to use passive voice. Please learn them! http://techwritingtodai.blogspot.jp/2011/04/passive-voice.html

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This... what?

THIS... WHAT?

To quote Professor John Cochrane at The University of Chicago Booth School of Business, you should clothe the naked “this.”

“This” should always have something following it. “This example shows that....” is fine. More generally, this rule helps you to avoid an unclear antecedent to the “this.” Often there are three or more things in recent memory that “this” could point to.

In grammar lexicon, the above issue is often marked as "unclear antecedent."

Sometimes an antecedent is unclear not because there are multiple nouns that a pronoun may refer to, but because the noun that the pronoun refers to has not been stated. This error is especially common when writers use first-person plural pronouns—we, us, our, and ours—to imply unity between the writer and the readers.

Identifying and Addressing Unclear Pronouns and Antecedents

https://writingcommons.org/.../1237-identifying-and-addressing-unclear-pronouns-antec...